Survived the 1st two weeks.

I have been trying on and off since Bailey's birth to get fit, eat right, and be a healthy weight. Since her birth, I put on 25+ lbs. Yep I said it. My highest weight ever (not pregnant). 205 lbs. Whew. That was hard. This is the 1st time I am saying it out loud. Two weeks ago, today, I said screw it. We had finished dinner early. Another dinner of me filling my plate and not stopping until it was empty. Just they way I was taught growing up. There are starving children in China, don't ya know? Must always eat everything on your plate. Always. Or there would be beatings, televisions and toys taken away, and being locked in bedrooms only to be allowed to eat or use the bathroom. Needless to say I have always been one to clear my plate. Even when dieting.

I am done dieting. I am done having a gym membership that I only use a few times a month-if that. I need a lifestyle change.

Heard this before? Yeah, I said it before. I've attempted before. Yet, something seems different. I've never taken before pictures before. I've never taken measurements before. I've never successfully logged my calories more than a few days before. I've never gone to the gym 4 times in a week before. I've never worked out at home more than 4 times a week before.

I have gone to the gym every single day for the past two weeks, some days twice. Yes, my body is sore, but last night I saw some results. While attempting a beginners yoga video, I was able to touch my toes without bending my knees! May not seem like a big deal to most, but for me this is huge. I've not been able to touch my toes since elementary school. I've been aiming for 60+ minutes of cardio daily and strength training and toning 4 days a week. I've also started the Couch to 5 K program (C25K) Today will be W(week)2D(day)2! It is so hard! With each hour leading up to actually getting on the treadmill, I dread those running jogging intervals. During each run jog I push myself until I can't push no further. And I am doing it. It was so hard last week when I began. That 1st 60 second run jog nearly killed me. I pushed through. Monday when I started W2, that 1st 90 second run jog I saw a flash of white. I pushed through. I never stick with anything too long, so I am petrified off falling off the wagon. Eating is my biggest problem, which I didn't realize until I took a good look at my diet. Thanks to financial problems, I am no longer drinking my Starbucks Vivanno's, Dunkin' Donut's Latte's, McDonald's Smoothies. I am still having my nightly bowl of ice cream after the kids go to bed, but that is better than a 1/4 of a lb size bag of Reese's. And I've cut my portion size down. I am no longer filling my bowl completely to the top. Now it is 2/3 of the way. Baby steps people! I want these changes to last a lifetime.

Speaking of portions.. When making myself a bowl of cereal, I measured out the correct amounts. Wow. I was eating 3x the amount recommended in one bowl! I have a lot to change. I have time to change it though. I have a lifetime to make lifetime changes. And I will.

I have to pictures I want to share here. Hopefully to hold myself accountable. They are on Facebook, in an album viewable only to me. I am afraid to show them but if I can run jog 90 seconds straight, I can do this too. And I will share my *gasp* measurements as well... So scary!

Measurements 

Neck: 13.5''

Bust: 41"

Hips: 41"

Arms: (Left) 15.5" (Right) 15"

Thighs: (Both) 28"

That was hard. No going back now. I must continue this journey. I have a minimum of 50 lbs to lose. I want to lost 60. My starting BMI was 34.1; I am currently at 33.1. Both of which are in the obese range. I really want to get down to a healthy weight. Not obese, not overweight, but healthy. To just move from "obese" to "over wieght" I need to get down to 179 lbs. The heaviest I should be and still be in the healthy range is 149.5. I could only dream of being in the 140's! 135 would put me right smack dab in the middle of the healthy range. I don't see that ever happen. 149 would be amazing!

Most people say I hide my weight well. I think everyone is blind. While others found me sickly when I was down to 150 lbs just two years ago, I was also coming off of Heroin. This time I will not have track marks on my arms and hands and that anorexic look. I will do this right. For my children. For myself. 

Just because I am really trying with this C25K program, I also would like to share my 1st week, and start of the 2nd with you.

Week One:

W1D1
     28:46 min; 1.45 miles

W1D2

28:54 min; 1.65 miles

W1D3

27:14 min; 1.63 miles

Week Two:

W2D1

30 min; 1.82 miles

Today I will do W2D3, hopefully. Unfortunately, the gym is closer than anywhere I'd like to do this outside. And my only way of tracking my distance.

I've also been working out on the Wii Fit and Gold's Gym Cardio Workout (Wii).

I aim to do 30 minutes of free step while watching television. And Gold's Gym while the kids are occupied. I usually sweat like a pig when working out. Thank you Methadone. Love that side effect. The Cardio workout is intense for someone as out of shape as I am. But I love it! Nothing like punching away stress.

Anyway, I've attempted to use this blog to hold myself accountable before. Here's to hoping this time is the charm! I'd love to be 149 lbs by next May!

Goals:

Be satisfied eating proper portion sizes.

Size 9 jeans.

Size med top.

No muffin top! 

Run 5 K with out walking

Keep up with kids when playing outside and running around.

50 push ups.

10 pull ups.

Ability to get up from the ground without struggle.

Ability to do yoga poses! 

Bend over with out my stomach getting in the way. 

I just don't want to look like this anymore:

Before

I'd much rather be like this:

After??

Sweet Dreams, My Loves.

As sleep beckons me, I stumble to each bed.
A climb to see my eldest son. To stroke his cheek. To smile.
Ducking and sitting to rest my hand on my younger son's back.
A stroke of the hair, another smile.
As I walk to the doorway, I keep my eyes upon them.
I cherish all that had happened throughout the day.
The good and the bad. All of it.
I file a few more memories away each night.
As I walk out of their room, I turn to whisper, "Sweet Dreams, My Loves."
I will then walk into my own room and hear my daughter's sweet breaths.
A few steps to her bed. Reaching deep into her crib.
Feeling her chest or back, still, to feel it rise and fall.
Touching her hand, her feet, her face.
Pure innocence rushes over me.
I kiss my hand and touch it upon her cheek once more.
My angel.
As I sit in my own bed, still staring at her slumber, I am forever grateful she is mine.
I wonder when she will awaken to join my husband and me and look forward to the moment.
Laying down, I curl up with my husband.
Wrap my body around him and feel his warmth.
Sweet kisses, "good night."
As I fall asleep with one arm around him and the other in his hand,
I think of all the little things he has done that day for our family. For me.
I remember hugs, kisses, I love you's.
I remember children's laughter, smiling faces, the way each plays.
I remember each milestone reached, words said, and tears shed.
I want to remember all of it as it they will not always be this small.
I want to remember each happy moment with my husband, forever.
As I fall asleep, I smile. I truly am the luckiest woman alive.

Weird Habits.

I was unloading the dishwasher and was thinking about my many weird habits. Of course I had to share.

• When eating Reese's I have to eat the chocolate 1st, then the peanut butter.
• Lucky Charms: I have to eat in order, 1st the cereal pieces, followed by the marsh-mellows. Hearts, stars, horse shoes, clovers and blue moons. Pot of gold and rainbows. And the red balloon. 
• Fruit Loops and Crunch berries-by color.
• When setting an alarm, I cannot have the time on the hour or half hour. If I have to get up at 5 am, the clock is set for 5:01. If I have to get up at 6:30 am, it is set for 6:29 or 6:31. 
• If I look at the clock and it is 6:06, 9:06, 1:17, 1:23 or 10:02 I make a wish or say "I love _____" (for whoever's birthday it is.)
• Toilet paper has to be over. If I am at your house and it is under; I will change it.
• Snickers: I have to eat the top before the bottom.
• I clean my ears at least 2x a day.
• Items must be groups together by what it is, size and color, or alphabetized.
• Bailey's bottles/cups/un-refrigerated items must be separated from everyone else's. 

There you have it, ten of my weird habits off the top of my head. I know I have a bunch more, but due to lack of sleep, I can't really think. *Yawn*

Do you have any weird habits you want to share? Feel free to list them in the comments!