The Unexpected: Can't. Stay. Awake.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Can't. Stay. Awake.

So yeah.. haven't blogged [or been online] in like.. um.. forever?

Pregnancy and methadone maintenance are really, really taking a toll on me. I need to lower my dose, but I have been advised not to while pregnant. I cannot take this fatigue much longer. I get up at 6:30 a.m. every morning to go off and get medicated. If Tom has side work I am "up" for the day, if not, I go back to bed until 11-12. If it is a day where he is working I put Collin down for a nap at 11 a.m. Let Thomas play some Wii or V-Smile or watch a movie, while I sleep. If it is a day Tom is home, Collin will not nap until 1:30-2:30, which is when I will go back to sleep until at least 4. If it is a work night I will not get to go to bed until 12-1 a.m. If it is not a work night, I head to bed right after Collin at 8:30, I will usually fall asleep before 10. But then, from 10 p.m. until I get up in the a.m. I am up at least every 2 hours to pee or reposition myself. >_<

Sounds like enough sleep right? It used to be. All I want to do is sleep. When I am not sleeping I am lounging on the couch falling asleep struggling to stay awake.

Anyone wanna be me for a while?

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I am Nicole. I am a 24 year old SAHM to three wonderful children, Thomas, Collin, & Bailey. I am very happily married to the love of my life, Tom. Tom is 7.5 years older than me, but some how we were meant to be. We started dating sometime between March and May of 2000 and were married on May 7th, 2005. We are both recovering heroin addicts. I am attempting and struggling to lose weight. I wish it were baby weight but it's not. It doesn't help I have a terrible addiction to smoothies, ice cream, and Reese's.

This is my oldest son Thomas. He is 5. He started kindergarten this year. If he isn't in school, he is wanting to play video games. And if he isn't playing video games, it's because I got on his case. He loves learning. He loves imaginative play. And he still loves his mommy. And still gives kisses and hugs in public. Our only problem is his constant whining. And I mean constant. Speaking of, if anyone has any ideas to stop the whining, I'd be very grateful. Ignoring the whining is just not working.

My once silent little 2 year old. Though he is in speech therapy, and not everyone can understand him, he is the sweetest little boy. Until you tick him off. He has quite the little temper. He is a very independent little boy, usually found playing by himself. Every thing needs to be on his terms or you will get an earful. Even with his temper and his need for everything to be his way, he will stop whatever he is doing if someone is crying, hurt, or sad. He will come and offer kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter.

My one year old baby girl. This girl is the funniest to those she is comfortable and seems like such high maintenance to those she doesn't see as often. Almost anything can get her lip to quiver and tears to fall. Even being as sensitive as she is, she loves to giggle and play. She is always stealing phones to say "'lo" and "buh" or the remote to switch channels anytime someone is paying more attention to the television than her. There are so many little things about her I love, but she hasn't quite found her place yet. My favorite time of day with her is right before nap time and when she does wake during the night to nurse. There is something about still breastfeeding her that makes me still feel she is an infant, instead of a toddling child.