Happy Anniversary to me!

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Six years ago I walked down the aisle a blubbering mess. Pregnancy hormones and seeing him at the 'make-shift alter' had the waterworks flowing before I even stepped into through the double doors.


It's been a long, difficult six years. More up and downs than I'd ever think possible for two people to endure. I used to blog whenever I was down, more often than now it was because of him. In the past year I've cut that out mostly. I find if I think of the positives when he is driving me up a wall, every one is happier, and I don't make him out to always be the bad guy.

Our anniversary's tend to come and go with just a "Happy Anniversary" and a card to each other. Of the previous five, only one had a happy memory.


Until now. The hubs and I are not big on going out and spending loads of money we don't have. Even as a rare treat, unless the kids are with us. This year, do to the same funds we always seem to lack, we decided to stay home. We shipped out all three children for the night. I went to Hallmark and Gamestop looking for something, anything to get him for our special day. What do you get a man after 11 years together? What does he want besides a PS3? I hadn't a clue! At gamestop I saw Monopoly for the Wii. How perfect!

Let me explain. The hubs beats me at everything! And I do mean everything. Especially video games. The board game Monopoly is the only thing we have played with each other that I have always won. I am the Monopoly champ 'round these parts. No one I have ever played has won. Until last night. He beat me and the two other computers. I don't think I've heard that much laughter from him and I in a long time. It was as if it were the first year or two of our relationship again.



Before starting our game we picked up some subs from the local pizza joint and just sat and talked. Not something we get to due to often. And when we do talk, it's usually about money or the kids. Never about us.

After we ate, we took a shower, then started our game. I feared we'd both be sound asleep by 9:30-10. Proving we are an old married couple. Instead we played Monopoly until a bit after one.

When we finally were ready to go to sleep, it was nearing 3 am. I couldn't believe it! We had a night, with out fearing the children waking up, just laughing and having fun. He could not believe I actually stayed away from the computer and my books all night. I couldn't believe he didn't once try to put on Ghost Adventures. We fell asleep in each others arms.

This morning, due to him needing to go to work, we went and picked up the kids together. At my parents house, each boy ran up to us, with a handful of flowers. Not one was a dandelion!

We may go out for ice cream or to the park when the hubs gets home. We had our night, now it's time to switch from "anniversary mode" to "mother's day". Either way, we will spend tonight and tomorrow as a family.

We did not do much, nor did we do anything special. Yet, this sixth anniversary has been by far the best yet.

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Smelling the Roses

"The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose."

Sometimes even the most pessimistic person really needs to just stop and smell the roses. Being the "glass is half empty" person I tend to be, I need to remind myself of this. Tonight is one of those nights.

I can sit here and focus on Tom being laid off, yet again. I can focus on the bills and the rent, and our way too small apartment on a run down street. I can focus on all the money I need to come up with to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which all have four cavities. And if you know me, or have been following my blog over the past couple of years, you know I can ramble about pretty much anything.

Instead of rambling and going on and on about the bad, I'm going to take a moment to reflect on the good.

Despite not being to the dentist in 5+ years and having 6 cavities, my teeth aren't bad. I do not need to have any teeth pulled, besides the ones most people need to have done. Despite my glasses breaking, at my own hands, I have a nifty new pair that I was able to buy, and pay for in full, that I absolutely love.

We may not have the largest home, in a decent neighborhood or even a home that we own, but we have a home. We have a roof on our heads. We have a door that locks. We have electricity, heat, and hot water. We have food in the fridge and in the pantry. We have clean clothes, that fit, on our backs and shoes on our feet. We have luxuries like  cable television, internet, house and cell phones. Luxuries like video game consoles, toys, books, and movies. Luxuries like gym memberships, a van that fits our family and runs, and more. We are living comfortably.

Most importantly of all, we have love. We have each other. I have a husband and three children who love and cherish me. As I love and cherish them. I have smiles in the morning, and I love you's at night.

My children are so kind and so smart. Yes, all three have their moments, moments I tend to dwell on more often than I should. But they are really good kids.

Thomas is reading and doing basic math! He just learned to tie his shoes as well! Despite being in school now, he still get's jealous if I don't kiss him after kissing his brother and sister. He still asks for kisses and hugs. He tells me he loves me constantly. His new favorite way to do this is to pop out of no where and shout, "Peek a boo; I love you!" Followed by running into my arms for a hug and kiss. He understands what it means to be a big brother, and even though his sister and brother get on his nerves at times, he does all he can to help them, to play with them, to just be there for them. When either of them are upset, hurt, or just plain not getting their way, Thomas is right there. Either by hugging them saying in his sweet baby voice, "don't cry, Thomas got you" or helping them get what they want or need.

Collin's speech has come so far in the past 11.5 months. A boy who had a vocab of grunts and moans, with the occasional "mommy" and "daddy" does not stop talking! And heaven forbid if you do not listen! "'S'cuse me" or "look at my face" he will shout until you do listen. Even if he just wants to say, "We watched that last day". (Last Day-Collin speak for yesterday) Though he does not know what they are, he is writing all 26 upper and lower case letters. He is singing his ABC's finally, and counting to ten. He finally has his colors and shapes down as well. Some people will think, big deal he's three, he should know this stuff; but it is a big deal! He has come so far, and I cannot help but be proud. The boy colors just as well, if not better than his big brother, and loves to do "homework" right next to Thomas as well. He will sit for hours just working in his "Kindergarten basics" book, and figures most things out on his own. He is loving the computer these days, as well as his Leapster 2 and his (bother's) DS. The boy is obsessed with Barney and if he hears any children song he may have heard on Barney, he will shout, "That a Barney song" over and over again until you put it on. We went through a rough few weeks with him refusing to eat meals. We learned he was just upset that Thomas took over most of the conversation at dinner time and he wanted some attention as well. It may mean us feeding him currently, but it's no big deal. He eats and enjoys dinner again, and Mommy truly does not mind. Hell, I enjoy it just as much. His current favorite way to play is by running in and out of the room to kiss Daddy and I in silly places, from our ears to our hands to our feet. He think's it the funniest thing in the world. Personally I just think it's the sweetest.

And Bailey... oh my Bailey. That girl is at my favorite age. Trying so hard to be a big girl, not quite a baby any more, yet still my baby. Though I am sad our nursing relationship is coming to an end, I am beyond proud of her and I for making it 18 months. (Well Saturday will be 18 months.) I still offer at nap and bedtime. And she only nurses for less than a minute or two, but it's hard to move on. We will keep doing this until she flat out refuses. Which is happening more often than I like these days. When she's done with her boo she climbs down and kisses Daddy "ny ny" and waves. As soon as she gets to the door leading out of the living room she blows kisses, then runs for our room. When I lay her in her crib, which she is sleeping in all night long instead of partially cosleeping with me, she tells me ny ny and blows me a kiss. She is stacking blocks and cups and everything else she can. She can now stack all ten of her stacking cups. She is saying between 15-20 words on a regular basis and is showing interest in the potty! She loves to sit on the big ceramic thrown and talk to me. She is a little Diva-in-training these days and is quick to make her preferences known. From picking her own clothes (and her brothers!) to picking which shoes and jacket she leaves the house in. She likes to pick what cup she drinks from and when she has a bath. She will let you know when she wants to play with you, and when she prefers to play alone. She loves music and will dance for as long as she can hear it. She is just like her brothers, and even me as a kid, and loves Barney. I think it's because of all the songs. She also is a huge Yo Gaba Gaba fan, and will throw the hugest fit if someone changes the channel when it is on. Whenever Daddy or I walk in the door she runs to us screaming "Dada" or "Daddy." Just this week she finally started calling me "Mama". This is a huge deal as neither of my boys called me mama. Always just Mommy. I love it! I love her. And her brother. So, so very much.

As much as a bitch and moan about the little things, I truly have an amazing husband. A husband who will do all he can to keep me home with our kids. He often goes without to make sure the kids and I don't have to. He cooks us dinner every night, he washes laundry so I don't have to lug the massive amounts to the laundromat on my own. He deals with the bigger, non everyday messes that I hate to acknowledge. He wrestles with our kids, and gives them so many kisses and hugs. He is completely wrapped around our baby girl's little finger, and can often be found with her in his arms when he is trying to do something, as she hates to be away from him when he is home. He gives baths and showers. He is the "good guy" and let's the kids stay up late and gives them snacks I won't before bed. He's the one the let's them play video games with him that I'd rather they not bother with. He's the one that takes them out to different stores all the time. He's the one who cannot wait to hit the park when it is warm enough out. He may get frustrated easily when it comes to Thomas' homework and reading, but he's the one that can get Thomas to do it for me. He kisses me every morning when he first wakes up. Kisses me whenever he leaves or enters the house. Kisses me before he goes to sleep at night. He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful every single day. Though he prefers to sleep on his belly, he sleeps half the night on his back so I can curl up with him each and every night. He get's me books he thinks I would like, though he doesn't understand why I read the "crap" I do. Most importantly of all. He believes in me. He believes I will one day "grow up" and do something I love, career wise. He tells me I am perfect as I am, but supports me in my weight loss goals. I can pick on all the little things he does that drive me up the wall, like leaving dirty socks in the strangest places and opening each and every cabinet door in the kitchen and leaving them open, but isn't that what a husband is supposed to do? Drive their wives a little nutty? I am so very grateful for such an unselfish, caring, considerate, loving man to call my husband.

All in all I have it made. I may not have every material item I want, but I have what I need and more. And even if I had less, I am one hell of a rich woman. I have a home filled with unconditional love and support. I have a family of my own that is...just....well....amazing.

Way Back When-sday! (A wedding!)

It just hit me. I don't think I ever shared my wedding pictures here. Not that they are all that great. All taken with regular old fashioned one click film camera's. I still deeply regretting not having budgeted a wedding photographer. It is heart breaking to know I have no nice formal photographs from my wedding. It also stinks I don't remember all that much.



The few bits and pieces I do remember:

The Hubs repeating my vows after he had already said his and the JP, him, and I giggling.

My father drove me to the hall we were wed in, I was in the backseat. As we were pulling in front of the venue, my father and Made of Honor, my sister, started screaming at me to get down. Hubs was in the parking lot. I looked right at him and didn't recognize him. For a man who does not dress nicely at all, he looked amazing in his tux. The love had felt prior to that 1st moment I saw him at our wedding couldn't compare to the amount of love and lust I had at that exact moment.

Before my father and I could walk down the aisle we were both crying. Happy tears of course, but yes, we were both blubbering babies. And to think, we had just told my mother not to cry!

My ring bearer refused to walk down the aisle and his mother ruined the outfit we bought her by covering it with a black and white coat even my mother in law wouldn't wear. (my sister in law owns nothing nice, let alone formal)

My father in law, looked so handsome. I had never seen him "dressed up" before. He is such a sweet, caring, funny, weird man and before this day I didn't realize how much the hubs was like his father. He really is. In a good way.

Our first dance, to Led Zeplins "Thank You" was so awkward! Hubs and I do not dance. Just going in circles for what seemed like forever with everyone staring was so, so strange. And that is a long song!

Dancing with my father to "Butterfly Kisses" (Of course, what else) was actually much more relaxed. We laughed, we cried, he told me he was sorry for not being a good father to my siblings and I. That was the first day he really spoke to me about my soon to be first born. I will cherish that conversation forever.

After the wedding, Tom and I were supposed to find a hotel along route 1, then head into New York City in the late morning. We ended up getting lost and finding the "Rodeway Inn" around 4 am, after 6 hours of driving. Mind you, to get anywhere in our state takes less than two hours in traffic. This was 10 pm to 4 am! It was an over priced cheap motel.

We didn't have money for a real honeymoon. At all, as we were saving for Thomas' birth. We went to a NYY baseball game. It was also Mother's Day. I got a card for mother's day that year though I was only 5 months pregnant.

When looking back at the pictures of our wedding day, while it does upset me they're not the greatest pictures, they do show the happiness the hubs and I felt that day. Even if we are arguing and fighting about the most mundane things, looking back on the photographs from our "pre-children" days, especially our wedding pictures instantly reminds me why I am here with him right now. Looking at each photograph over the past ten and a half years I see so much love, happiness, and fun.

Snapshot Saturday

Remember the nasty, crumb catching pubes on my hubs face?

Yea, I didn't find this look all that attractive either. 

And yes, I kindly let him know.

For months, I let him know.

In hopes he'd catch the hint and shave.

I don't understand how a man can only groom a handful of times a year.

Don't most men groom a handful of times every week or two weeks?

It wouldn't be so bad if his facial hair didn't remind me of 80's porn...

Yesterday afternoon, while Bailey and I watched One Life to Live, he finally did it!

During a commercial break I went into the bathroom to find him taming the pubes.

 

I know he needs to fix the hair line and all, and that it's not perfect,

but isn't this much, much better than the before?

Have I ever mentioned how much I hope Bailey ends up with his brows?

What a perfect natural arch.

Sweet Dreams, My Loves.

As sleep beckons me, I stumble to each bed.
A climb to see my eldest son. To stroke his cheek. To smile.
Ducking and sitting to rest my hand on my younger son's back.
A stroke of the hair, another smile.
As I walk to the doorway, I keep my eyes upon them.
I cherish all that had happened throughout the day.
The good and the bad. All of it.
I file a few more memories away each night.
As I walk out of their room, I turn to whisper, "Sweet Dreams, My Loves."
I will then walk into my own room and hear my daughter's sweet breaths.
A few steps to her bed. Reaching deep into her crib.
Feeling her chest or back, still, to feel it rise and fall.
Touching her hand, her feet, her face.
Pure innocence rushes over me.
I kiss my hand and touch it upon her cheek once more.
My angel.
As I sit in my own bed, still staring at her slumber, I am forever grateful she is mine.
I wonder when she will awaken to join my husband and me and look forward to the moment.
Laying down, I curl up with my husband.
Wrap my body around him and feel his warmth.
Sweet kisses, "good night."
As I fall asleep with one arm around him and the other in his hand,
I think of all the little things he has done that day for our family. For me.
I remember hugs, kisses, I love you's.
I remember children's laughter, smiling faces, the way each plays.
I remember each milestone reached, words said, and tears shed.
I want to remember all of it as it they will not always be this small.
I want to remember each happy moment with my husband, forever.
As I fall asleep, I smile. I truly am the luckiest woman alive.

Monday's Memory.

When I was just thirteen I was going through a pretty rebellious stage. I was shoplifting, skipping school, and running away from home and only interested in older boys. My parents had enough and sent me to move in with my Aunt. While living with my aunt I had slept in the living room on the couch. I remember one night, it was pretty late, probably the wee hours of the morning, I heard the door being unlocked. Then walked in the most attractive man I had ever seen. He whispered sorry to me and walked through the room, into my cousins. I laid on the couch hoping he would come out of the room to use the bathroom, or get something out of the kitchen, or to leave. Just so I could get another glimpse of him. Eventually I fell back to sleep.

When I awoke in the morning, I woke up to my cousin messing around on the computer and this guy sitting across the room staring at me, smiling. I laid there just looking back at him, half asleep. When I got up off the couch, I found out his name was Tom and I had known him when I was younger, he was my cousin's friend for years. Since he was there and I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I decided to skip school to hang out with my cousin and Tom. We went to the batting cages. Cousin went off to hit some baseballs, leaving Tom and me to play arcade games. I was so shy at first, barely making conversation. He kept smiling and talking. I kept blushing and smiling back. After we got back to my aunts, Tom left, and my cousin made fun of me for having a crush on a 20 year old. I couldn't help it. He talked to me as if I were an adult all day. He was kind, smart, funny, and of course I thought he was hot.

I kept skipping school to spend time with them, and I kept fantasizing about being with him. On a date, holding hands, kissing. I kept imagining him pulling me aside to tell me he liked me too.

A couple weeks later my aunt and cousin were working the night shifts and it was just myself, my aunts husband, his niece, and of course Tom. My aunts husband (total jerk and perv) thought it would be a great idea to get some booze. His niece and I were psyched. We were 13 and 14 years old and were going to party! I decided to walk the dogs since my aunt husband was too drunk to do it and I was the most sober. Tom came with me. We walked to the end of the block and back just chatting about why I was living there. He told me he was "glad I moved in."
When we got back to the house I stopped him on the front porch and quickly kissed him. He backed away, told me he really liked me but I was just a kid. I felt like an idiot. We went in and I ignored him for a few hours. My aunts husband and his niece went to bed and Tom came over and sat next to me. He told me he was attracted to me, told me I was really cool, and other sweet comments. He continued by saying we could be friends.

Fast forward another week or, I stayed home from school, again, and he came over, not expecting me to be there. We were alone. I made another move. At first he stopped me again. I said I was sorry and moved to the other end of the couch. He came over to me, put his hand by my neck and lifted my chin. He then kissed me. It was the most amazing moment of my life.
We started sneaking around to be alone together. We couldn't tell anyone know one would understand. I bet many people reading this don't understand. Heck I still don't understand!

We used to meet up in the middle of the night down the street from the house, in the woods. We had a tent set up, that we spent an hour or two a night in sometimes just talking, sometimes more. This went on for a few months, until I got caught. They knew I had been seeing him. My cousins were going to kick his ass, my aunt was going to press charges, and I was petrified of losing him and of him going to prison.

He did end up going to prison, but for other charges. My aunt never ended up pressing charges. Tom was locked up for 10 long months. I moved back home to my parents. We stayed in contact, with him mailing me at a friends house so my parents wouldn't know. Then I stopped writing him. He called my house worried about me, my mom answered. According to my mother, he told her he was worried about me. Told her how much he loved and cared for me. Told my mother, he wanted to marry her 14 year old daughter. She, for some unknown reason, gave us a chance. Letters then started coming to my house, which we hid from my father. I had gone back to my old ways of running away and messing around (not sleeping with) random guys.

May 18th, 2001 he was released. I couldn't wait to see him. My mom knew how much I wanted to see him so she asked him to get her cigarettes and said I could go with him if we didn't take too long. When he pulled up to the house. I knew it. I was in love. I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, I never wanted to let go. We went to the store, sat in the car for almost an hour just talking and kissing. It felt so good to be back with my man. He told me that night he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me I had changed him. I had made him want to grow up. I had made him want to do more with his life. Before he went to prison he was a heroin addict. Because of me he wanted to stay clean.

Obviously things worked out for us. We both feel if we could do it again, we wouldn't though because of our ages at the time. Tom still feels extreme guilt for being with me at such a young age. We are still so happy together. We still feel the same way as we did 10 years ago.

We both are loving spending our lives together.

More than enough.

Five to six (sometimes 7) days a week my husband goes to work. When he comes home he runs whatever errands need to be done. Then cooks dinner and gives the boys baths. On Sunday's he takes our massive amount of laundry to the laundromat and gets that done. He also changes diapers, plays with the kids, holds Bailey when she is fussing and I need a break. He is the one that scoops and cleans the litter box. He does all the car care and even helps do the weekly cleaning on the weekends.
Sounds like a lot right?
Why is it not enough for me? Why am I always hounding him to do more?

Today, he got up at 9, left for work at 10, came home at 2:30, played with the kids, ate something, packed up the laundry and left to do it and grocery shop. Then he went downstairs to the neighbors to paint. He didn't get in the house until almost 7:30.

I was furious! How dare he leave a pile of clean clothes and linens on the couch for me to fold by myself? After being together for 10+ years he should know I despise laundry, especially the folding. Especially re-making the beds. Especially putting it all away.

I was also upset because dinner wasn't cooking yet. Yes, I could have and probably should have, cooked dinner myself, but he is a better cook and well, I hate cooking. Almost as much as I hate folding laundry.
The main reason I was just so upset about his busy day is because it was yet another day we didn't do anything as a family besides eat dinner.

We usually do family things at least twice a week, if not more. Usually something during the week we do something together, and then again on the weekend. And this was the perfect week for family outings! All week long it was gorgeous out! Perfect park weather. But he worked until 6-7 every night this past week. He promised we'd do something on the weekend. I couldn't wait! There was a kids fair going on a few minutes away and it was completely free. I could not wait to take the boys for the arts and crafts, story time, and music. Plus Gil Simmons from New Channel 8 was going to be there to teach the children about weather. Friday night he informed me he'd be working Saturday and we'd go to the Daffodil Festival on Sunday instead. Based on what you have read, you know that didn't happen either.
Needless to say I am a tad bit bitchy tonight. And a nagging bitch at that. Tom, clean up the dinner mess. Tom, clean up your dinner mess. Tom, change Collins diaper while I clean up the dinner mess. Tom, start the dishwasher. Tom, get that paint pan out of the sink. Tom, empty the trash can, it's overflowing again.

I ask for way too much. I totally don't do enough. I would never make it as a single mother, or married to any other man. I am so very fortunate that he loves me for me and is okay with me not doing all the typical housewife duties.
I love this man.

Been a while huh?

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages! So much has happened!



I am in my 2nd trimester of my pregnancy-going great, check the details (and pictures) our at my other blog The Unexpected. Oh, if boy, baby is Samual Adam; if girl, Bailey Grace Elizabeth.

My parents moved out! We are officially on our own. Tom and I in our own room. Thomas in his own real bed. Collin in his crib, when he isn't climbing out. The boys are lucky enough to have a playroom, all to themselves! They love it! I my own computer back, though it is really slow and old, I have my photoshop back! We have the backyard all to ourselves, the boys love it!
-Oh and we also have a roommate! Vinny is my brothers friend of 7 or 8 years. And helps us out with the rent, which is great! He isn't ever home when I am so it works perfectly!

Work is going great! I love waitressing so much its weird. I love the tips, the attention, and all the flirting. Who knew being pregnant would turn on so many guys? In fact, one guy actually said to me, "Man I so wanna bite the shit out of your belly!" WTF?? Whatever... Hours will be getting cut soon as the leagues are all ending, but all is well.

The meth. program sucks.. I refuse to see the shrink there anymore, as he thinks I am crazy.. Apparently I am not stable enough to take home my methadone bottles, I may OD or poison my kids or something... Fuck him. Plus he wants to prescribe me meds that are catagory X for pregnancy... Fuck him again. I really wish I could detox. I really want to detox. I believe I am ready to detox. I can't detox. Detoxing means buh-bye baby. That would be bad!

My mind is really fucking me. I am having problems decifering fact from fiction, and reality from dreams as of late, and I need to find a new shrink to discuss this shit.. Thank god for free medical now.. I am having alot of manic-down mood swings lately and rapid crazy highs.. I know I need to find a med that I can safely take while pregnany and breastfeeding. I refuse to take a med I cannot breastfeed on, or that will harm my child.

Mostly though things really are going well. Heck I am even planning my very 1st weekend EVER out of CT!

Oh! Here are my latest photos and creation from photoshop!

Nothing beats...

...just lying in bed next to your husband, while your children are sound asleep.

The downfall to this is, we must sleep, for 5 a.m. comes oh so soon.

Man oh Man do I miss his body, though it is next to mine each and every night, even right now as I type this.

I guess cuddling will have to do for now, though, I guess it doesn't matter how often we make love now, does it?

My Amazing Husband

Tom gave me my Christmas gift tonight, in front of my parents, his, my brother, sister and her fiance.

I have been asking for a bracelet, with my kids birthstones since last Christmas. A week or two ago Tom told me he didn't get me it, again, but wanted to get me something "nicer" than I described. All I wanted was plastic beads in the right colors for my kids stones, on a plastic/wire bracelet thingy from an arts an crafts store, I just wanted him to throw one together..
This is why, I am terrible w/ jewelery and break everything, or never wear it because of lack of dressy occasion..
I bitched, I moaned, told him I was going to hate whatever bracelet he got me, told him I was going to throw it back in his face.. I was a rotton bitch. I deserved to have been bitch slapped right then and there.
He explained how much this bracelet meant, cost, and how important it was that he did this his way. He explained how I wasn't going to hate it, how I wasn't going to throw it into his face, how infact I was going to love it.

This is my new bracelet, that I cried while reading, and am still tearing up over:







Each of the 5 ovals say:

Nicole A. Montgomery
Jan. 23, 1987

Thomas H. Montgomery, Sr
June 6, 1979

Thomas H Montgomery, Jr
Sept. 6, 2005

Collin P. Montgomery
Jan. 17, 2008

Collin Bailey
Oct. 3, 2006
Forever In Our Hearts

When I saw the baby we miscarried included on my "family" bracelet.. that was it, black eyeliner was all over my face, lets just say it is a very good thing my battery died on my camera right after I first first first saw my beautiful gift.


I will be forever greatful for this, I probably will not take it off until it is lost or broken..
(I mentioned I am terrible w/ jewelery..)

He does it again.

My husband, despite the fights and the bad words said, he is always right there.
He always talks me down, when I am at my worst.
I can only see darkness, and he is my light.
It never fails, with him, it always ends up alright.

I will go on, today and tomorrow.
I have to. I don't have a choice.

It also doesn't help, I am nothing but words.

no actions, just words.