Saturday, July 31, 2010

Snapshot Saturday

Happiest photo or Tom and I in a while. <3

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

Friday, July 16, 2010

Jan P. Fugal, MD passes away.

When I was pregnant with Thomas, I totally put off finding a pediatrician for him. When I gave birth, the on call pediatrician came in, introduced himself and started cuddling and talking to our newborn. When getting his length, he hung Thomas upside down by the ankles and joked around with us, as pretended he was going to drop him. With each of my three children he would tell us they surely looked neglected and their eyes were never going to stay blue. He knew how to joke with parents and children, was especially  great at getting 1st time parents to ease up.

Many parents would not agree with his methods, especially of suggesting foods extremely early, but loved when parents disagreed with him and went with their own beliefs. Every time he seen Bailey, who has the chunkiest belly and thighs, he would joke that my milk must be starving her and I was depriving her of baby food. With Thomas I followed his every word. With Collin I began to research and follow my own instinct. With Bailey, he always expected me to do the opposite of his advice.

His theory was as long as baby/child is growing on track, meeting milestones on their own time, was happy, content, and kind the parents were doing their job perfectly. He was the one person who never made me feel like a bad mom.

We disagreed a few times, for example when he told me to supplement w formula because my children weren't at their birth weight at 2 weeks. I listened the 1st time but not the 2nd and 3rd. He respected my decision.

In his office hung signs like "Unattended children will be given espresso and a puppy."

He believed in old fashioned non-medicated remedies for coughs and colds, pink eyes, and more.

Whenever I fell ill or needed a script he would give it to me after examining me, though he was a pediatrician. When I was freaking about my milk supply and expressed my deep want for nursing to work, he gave me a script for Reglan, telling me if it didn't help he would give me a scrip for Domperidone. When my husband was having problems with shoulder pain, he gave something for the pain. I remember having a really nasty infection and coughing up the grossest of things, he had helped.

I could call any time day or night with the dumbest of questions and he'd call back kind as ever. In the (almost) 5 years we used him he never once was on vacation. I don't think I ever seen him take a day off until the beginning of 2009.

In the beginning of '09 he had a stroke, losing all use of his left side. He pressed on. He refused to retire. Parents would help him do his assessments. I remember helping him put the blood pressure cuff on my children so he could get a reading. I remember holding them so he could get their heart rates.

As the year and a half has gone on he has missed more and more time. He wasn't able to see Bailey in the hospital. Or for her 6 month check up. Or her and Collin when ill. We have been seeing Milford Pediatric Group on and off since October. I knew the day was coming to find a new pediatrician, but I never expected him to die. Never saw it coming.

Milford Pediatrics is offering and willing to take all of Dr. Fugal's patients, they have about 12 doctors in office, two I can't stand, two I love, some I can deal with, some I don't know. We will be having our files transferred next Friday.

Next Friday will be my children's last time entering Dr. Fugals 70's style office. We will miss the toys that look like they are from my parents childhood. We will miss the wood paneling. We will miss the Christmas decorations being up until April. We will miss the children's drawings all over the walls as well as photos. We will miss the silly signs and saying.

Most of all we will miss Dr. Fugal.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

This is baby David. He is my BFF's son. This is from his 1st birthday party. If you'd like to see more you can click here.

I am fat.

Other than my parents and brother, I haven't had any one come right out and insult me with fat jokes or insults. Or just plain call me fat. That is until now.

This morning, I went to the methadone program as I do every Wednesday when most of North America is still sleeping, or at least home. Everything is business as usual until I get in my car. It takes me a minute to fall into such a low car with an even lower driver's seat. So my door was open for a minute. Not open all the way, as the car next to me was able to back out without a problem as I was climbing in. Next thing I know I am being screamed at. Yes, I should have closed my door faster knowing that my fellow junkies can be a tad "rush-y" this early in their day.

"Close your door you fat bitch"
I was in such shock at the comment, and am already an extremely sensitive (cries at the drop of a hat) person.
The tears welled up before I could even think to reach for the door.

"Ya stupid fuckin' cow! Close your door"
As he shouted this comment I was closing my door. I yelled back to him that I was sorry. If he had just honked or yelled close the door, it would have been closed faster. Again, saying I was sorry.

He just went on and on and on, wasting the time he claimed I was taking from him. "You are just trying to make me late." Yea, my whole goal in life is to make everyone else as miserable as I am most days. Really, my life revolves around people I happen to walk by once a week.

This whole incident lasted 2-3 minutes TOPS. Yet, it really got to me. As I drove off all I could think to myself was, "I am fat..."
My mother used to tell me all the time how I looked like a whale. My dad would ask me why my sister looks like this, and I look like that. Why my thighs were so large, why I have a muffin top... My brother always knew how to get to me: call me a slut or something along those lines or call me fat.

So this morning, him dropping this F-bomb, really stung. I have always had low self-esteem. I have always thought of myself as the ugly sibling. Our family has a joke that the only reason I had kids is for the attention.

I absolutely hate my body.
I haven't felt comfortable in shorts since elementary school.
I hadn't worn a bathing suit for years until last year when I actually felt good about my(pregnant)self.
It took me becoming a heroin addict to finally feel comfortable in my skin. And then the few months of new sobriety before pregnancy, I felt amazing.
It was short lived.
I weigh now at least 15 lbs more than I did on the day I delivered Bailey.

I know some of my weight is my problem. I eat reese's daily, I get iced lattes or frappes daily. I don't get to the gym as often as I should.

I am the person who needs results. I will spend a week or two really eating right and hitting the gym, and see NO results whatsoever, or even gain a lb or two.
Why stick with it?

As always with my blogging this is leading to a rambling mess. I am just so sick of being labeled as fat.
No wonder I have really taken to the new ABC Family drama, Huge....

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Before and After

Before & After

I have had to put off his 2 year photo's since January, due to face bruises, scratches, mosquito bites, lack of $$$, and of course he needed his hair cut. I am so excited they will finally be done tomorrow :D Only 6 months late. I cannot wait.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Snapshot Saturday

Only the furthest Collin has ever stepped into this pool on his own. I am so proud!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Support Nursing in Public

Trish of Two Blues and a Pink has a great idea!
"Now for my protest, and I do so hope others will join me, create a blog post with a picture of you nursing (or if you never nursed – just state you support it – if you do support it that is) and add this link: 
Breastfeeding State Laws
and the laws that apply to where you live, bolding any that deal with the issue of nursing in public.
Thank you!"

In my lovely state of Connecticut the law states, as I have posted previously:

Conn. Gen. Stat. § 31-40w (2001) requires employers to provide a reasonable amount of time each day to an employee who needs to express breast milk for her infant child and to provide accommodations where an employee can express her milk in private. (HF 5656)
Conn. Gen. Stat. § 46a-64 (1997) prohibits places of public accommodation, resort or amusement from restricting or limiting the right of a mother to breastfeed her child. (1997 Conn. Acts, P.A. 210)
Conn. Gen. Stat. Ann. § 53-34b provides that no person may restrict or limit the right of a mother to breastfeed her child.

Make your blog post and add your link to the Linky-ma-jig right below. Make sure you link to your post supporting nursing in public, not just your blog itself.

Many people suggest to nurse in a restroom. Do they not know about the fecal matter being sprayed all over every surface in the restroom.

Many people suggest to put a blanket over the baby's head. Do they not know about CO2 poisoning?

Many people suggest pumping expressed breastmilk. Do they not know that not all (actually a lot less than you would think) cannot pump more than a few milliliters at a time?

One radio host even went as far as saying women should nurse while driving to avoid nursing in a public place.

This is how I nurse when not in the comfort of my own home:

Now in all seriousness, what is so indecent and distasteful about this?

My right to nurse in public.

Breastfeeding State Laws

Conn. Gen. Stat. § 31-40w (2001) requires employers to provide a reasonable amount of time each day to an employee who needs to express breast milk for her infant child and to provide accommodations where an employee can express her milk in private. (HF 5656)
Conn. Gen. Stat. § 46a-64 (1997) prohibits places of public accommodation, resort or amusement from restricting or limiting the right of a mother to breastfeed her child. (1997 Conn. Acts, P.A. 210)
Conn. Gen. Stat. Ann. § 53-34b provides that no person may restrict or limit the right of a mother to breastfeed her child.

Join our blog hop:

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Nursing in Public: Women's right or bad taste?

A radio show link is being spread on facebook. This women Lisa Rollins went on a major bitch-fest on air on her thoughts on breastfeeding in public.Apparently she went to a Chic-fil-A with her family when her daughter asked if she was nursing her baby. Here are just a few of my thoughts on the radio clip.


Edited to add a link to a transcript to the 1st 10 or so minutes. Keep in mind there was much more to this:

Does 106.3 FM Support Breastfeeding Mothers?

"My daughter knows how much I hate" breastfeeding in public.
We need to be teaching our children about breastfeeding. Even if it is not for everyone, everyone should know that it is the healthiest way to feed a baby. Yes there are different circumstances for each and every child, but our children need to know how important breastfeeding is.

This woman repeated numerous times that nothing was exposed. She said nursing mothers should stay at home.
Nope that won't work honey. I have older children as well. They, nor I, want to stay cooped up in the house, especially during the summer, just to keep narrow-minded people like you happy.

Lisa said this mother obviously drove there and should have fed the baby in the car.
Yep driving while breastfeeding is definitely better than nursing discreetly in a family restaurant.
Or in a parked car at 100+ degrees.

Supposedly this woman is supposed to be so against the government taking away our human rights, yet goes on to say there should be laws against this.
In most states there are laws. For breastfeeding mothers. We have the right to feed our children when and where we want.

Mother's should pump and bring a bottle.
1. Not all babies will even take a bottle.
2. Not all mothers can afford a pump.

Nursing mothers should take their hungry child into the restroom.
Yes. Let's expose our infants, whose immune system isn't quite up to par with the rest of us to all the fecal matter and bacteria. According to one study, there is fecal matter all over every single surface of the bathroom. Hundreds times more in a public restroom.
And what about us with other children? I can't just leave my 4 and 2 year old at the table while I go into the restroom to feed my daughter. And I am certainly not going to bring them in with me, exposing them to that crap. (Pun intended) Plus, they'd suffer being cooped in a bathroom for 10, 15, 20 minutes.

Even if your not exposing yourself, your attracting attention.
So effing what? Let me attract attention. If more mothers would feed their children in public we wouldn't have so many narrow-minded people like you. 
I still don't get how this is not discreet or how this is in bad taste or bad manners, or attracting attention:


"There's no excuse for not being prepared enough and nursing your baby before leaving the house."
I almost always nurse my daughter before leaving the house. But I am not going to limit my time away from home to prevent others from possibly noticing my feeding my child. Sometimes, my daughter isn't hungry before leaving. Sometimes she wants to nurse again shortly after feeding. You can't just base everything on time. Sorry my child doesn't follow the clock.

Even if baby is covered by a blanket, that is still not discreet enough for her.
How much more discretion does this damn woman want?

"I wish people would have enough pride to not expose themselves to others. It's something others can find objectionable"
Yep, I have no pride because I chose to give my daughter the absolute best start.
I find girls with their thongs hanging out objectionable.
I find guys with their pants around their thighs objectionable.
I find "larger" people in clothes that don't cover their stomachs objectionable.
There will always be something in public someone doesn't like. This is why we have the right and ability to look away. If you really find it that gross to see a woman, who is showing no skin, feed her child, look away. Is it that hard? And does it really warrant a spot on the radio of you complaining about it. And to put this woman on the spot, by stating the date and location of where this occured? Sick, Lisa. Sick.

"If you wouldn't breastfeed in the front pew at church..."
If I went to church, and my daughter was with me and hungry...You can bet your fat ass I'd feed her their. How much more family oriented can you get than a church?

Every time a caller would question her, she would hide behind the, "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and this is mine." line. 
Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But we all don't host radio shows and share our opinions. Not only share them but also belittle those who do what we don't agree with. I do not go on air stating those who chose not to breastfeed are selfish, distasteful, provocative, have bad manners, etc. etc. 
Fine, you don't agree with it. Considering you knew how much this was going to offend nursing mothers, which you stated in this segment, you shouldn't have brought it up on air.

You claim this was about freedom. Women have the freedom to decide whether or not they breastfeed. And those who do choose to breastfeed have the freedom to do so where their child is hungry. And those who find it "in bad taste" have the freedom to simply look away.

Is this really that offensive?


Breastfeeding, regardless where done, is nothing short of beautiful and empowering.

Edited to add:
There is a lot of talk about this segment being spread all over the WWW.
Just read some crap from the radio stations facebook page.
My close friend had something to say about it as well over at Rachel Likes to Ramble.
Code Name: Mama has been doing a week long Carnival  of Nursing in Public and is where I found the transcript..
The Nursing Freedom blog shared with readers their email response to the radio station.
There are numerous topics on this being spread all over parenting, breastfeeding, and the like web-forums and message boards. Just do a search on the Justmommies boards and you will see quite a few. I know I personally have replied to a few.
The Covered Wagon covers what the laws are in Lisa Rollin's great state of South Carolina.
Hugamonkey shared her email which is from the baby's point of view.

Just go to google and type in Lisa Rollins Breastfeeding and you will be amazed at all the protests against her putting down and being so rude about us nursing mothers.
According to the Radio Station, they will NOT be issuing an apology.

Yes. Lisa Rollins is very much so entitled to her opinion. What she needs to know is, when you are in the public eye, your opinion can drastically effect the people being objected to it. Her rant would not have caused such a heated online protest by thousands of women if she just stated her opinion by saying she say a nursing mother and thought it was gross. Yes, it may have bothered some, but it would not be causing this much anger. 

The cause of this anger is because of how rude, uneducated, uninformed she was. This anger is caused by her continuing to go on and on and on, followed by defending herself because she is entitled to her opinion. This anger is because when listeners would state their opinions on why nursing in public is okay, and why people like her are why breastfeeding is not nearly as normal as it is in the grand ol' United States of America, she would just cut them off. "Well that's your opinion and this is mine." She might as well not even taken the calls.

Thank goodness for Lonzo filling in for Russ that day and calling her out on how contradicting this woman was.

To make a complaint against this segment or let them know how and why you agree you can email:
Bob McLain (bmclain (at) entercom (dot) com). 
Lisa Rollins herself (lrollins (at) entercom (dot) com)
Or Call:  864-271-9200

Edited again to add blog hop code; We'd love to have any mothers who want to protest to join in!

Nine month home photo shoot.

I decided to try and get a few shots of Bailey today, 6 days late, for her 9 month picture. (I need a birth, 3, 6, 9 month photo for the frame she will be getting for her birthday.) After taking close to 300 pictures, I narrowed it down to 52 on cam. Then down to just 13 to upload to FB. And now down to 3 for the blog.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Which to choose?

Trish of Two Blues and a Pink is awesome, not only is she the creator of my kick-ass header up there, she was sweet and kind enough to make my pick ass a button for my blog.

Problem now is:
 1. "unexpected" doesn't fit in the average size button and
 2. I can't choose! She made two. Yep, I got that lucky!

So what do you all think?

Should I go with this one?

Or, should I pick this one?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Collin talks.

Well, just a little, lol.

Good moms v Bad Moms

Quite a few women I know on JM have been having pregnancy and infant losses. These women have proven time and time again what wonderful mothers they are. They have the strength, maturity, and assets for their unborn child. Yet their child is taken away from them. Some fight for years to have one child, and time and time again their dreams are shattered. Some aren't even trying to conceive but when they do, they are happy and plan on providing nothing but the best for their unborn. Some after suffering such a loss can't get pregnant again either from the physical or mental stresses and fight so hard to adopt. These women just wait for their child to finally be in their arms.

Then you have these other women. Women who have nothing that belongs to them, women who everything they have is owned or was given to them by their parents or others. Women who choose sex, drugs, and alcohol over their own children time and time again. Women who rely on and make their parents raise their children. Women who will have their older child care for and do everything for the younger. Women who shouldn't every have a child but do and instead of giving this precious life to another who will and can love and support them, these women keep these poor children and let them suffer.

At one point, though it was only for 6 or so months, I was that other woman. I did spend a bit a time choosing heroin over my boys. I did rely on my parents to shelter, feed, and provide my children. But even as a heroin addict I made sure to show my children how much I loved them, not as much as I do when clean, but still I hugged and kissed and said I love you numerous times a day. I still sat on the floor playing games and reading books. The mothers I am referring to are the ones who choose going out to a bar or a movie or just a friends house over staying at home with their children, not just one night here and there, but night after night after night. The mothers I am referring to are the ones who only change a diaper or feed their child when their parents are at work and are not home.

I hope to never be that mother again, even just a little bit.

I am just so heartbroken right now. I have it so easy when it comes to pregnancy. Yes I have had a loss and yes it still hurts, but I get pregnant so easily and have had (almost) all perfect pregnancies. I would love to carry a child for a woman like this, or donate an egg or two, to do something. 

I truly hope all these women will have their child in their arms soon. And these other women grow up and take responsibility for their own children.

Monday's Memory

Originally Posted Saturday, April 5th, 2008

Let me feel fine

Fine one minute,
Crying the next.
Happy one minute,
Next, a mess.

Each day is this vicious cycle.
Each day is the same.
When will I be normal again?
When will I be sane?

When will I be able
to hold my head up high?
When will I be able
to just feel fine?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

My week in Status'.

Sunday June 27th @ 11:31 pm:

*yawn* what a struggle to get the sleeping kids out of the car, to the front door, up the stairs, and into bed. Poor Thomas started stumbling in circles and kept walking into the car. :( I tried holding him but couldn't get Collin out. Then put Thomas back in the passengers side, grabbed Collin, and couldn't lift Thomas back up.. Poor kid had to walk, practically still asleep. Even fell up the stairs :( Both in bed!

Monday June 28th @ 11:37 am:

Mommy: "Collin!" Collin: "Wha?" Mommy: "Here you go." Collin: "Dank yo"

Tuesday June 29th @ 6:13 pm:

Nothing like sitting with 12 other addicts discussing how to manage our priorities

Wednesday June 30th @ 8:07 pm:

Mom's of very white children: Make sure to put sunscreen on more than 1-2x/hr. It is not enough. Poor Thomas.....

Thursday July 1st @ 9:56 am:

For the 1st time in (almost) 9 months I honestly believe she is definitely teething. Poor girl has chewed on EVERY THING this morning, nonstop. Including my fingers, my toe, and my nipples. And super fussy and miserable.. Why I waited 2.5 hrs to think of the teething tablets is beyond me.

Friday July 2nd @ 9:00 am:

9 months of loving, nourishing, protecting, and cherishing you. I love you sweet baby Bailey.

Saturday July 3rd @ 2:40 pm:

way up north where there's ice and snow;
there lived a penguin and his name was Joe.
He got so tired of black and white,
he wore pink slacks to the dance last night.
BOOM BOOM Ain't it great to be crazy?

Want to see more status updates by me? Follow me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook! Just let me know you are coming from the blog. 

Snapshot Saturday

Story time with the speech therapist.


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