This, That, and the other blog?

Things have been a bit hectic lately around here with holidays, illnesses, money, a new blog....ya know, the usual parenting crap..

Holidays
We have not even begun to make a dent in our Christmas Shopping this year. I think we only have one small gift per child so far. Strangely, this does not bother me. We will get them a bit more of course but we are putting all the focus on family this year. My children will be getting more than enough from grandparents and my aunt. They will be taken care of. As the past 3 Christmas's I am a bit depressed this holiday season. It means it's the third Christmas with out Nana with us. And it also means the 3rd anniversary of her death is fast approaching. I still have trouble believing she is not with us. I miss her so much still. But, I will put on a brave face and cherish my children who are here with me.

Illnesses
Thomas is currently sick as a dog. On Friday morning, in the wee hours of the morning Thomas fell coming down his ladder and hit his head. Through out the day he complained of a head ache and we thought he had a concussion after puking in the car. It ended up being some wicked virus. He had a fever ranging from 102-104 all Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, & Monday. Tuesday I sent him to school as his fever was gone, but when he came home he looked like complete crap. Stuffy nose, teary eyes, sore throat. So he stayed home again today. Last night he slept 5-12 and 2:30-8:30, 13 hours. He is sleeping right now, been out for a couple hours, though has not had a fever all day.

Money
Tom is working. *Hears the cheers* We finally paid October and November's rent, December will be paid Thursday. (Tomorrow) Our landlord let us sign a 6 month lease, so we won't have to worry about trying to move in December which is always lay off season it seems. Also, he asked us to keep an eye out for 3 bedroom condo's and town houses that are up for sale or foreclosed. He is always looking to buy new property and would be willing to let us break our lease, rent to us, with option to buy. I don't think anything will come of it, but it still felt great to receive the offer. Damn me and my glass is half empty attitude.

New Blog?
With 2011 starting, I am going to try to do a 365 project. I've been wanting to do this for a couple of years now and keep forgetting. Oops. My buddy Trish is planning on doing it, so I got the reminder this year loud and clear. You can go on over to "The Unexpected 365 Project". Make sure you book mark it, or you can grab the button and link up as well!

http://theunexpected365.blogspot.com/

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Last night, or early this morning, I could have strangled my younger two. I swear Bailey and Collin were up every 45-60 minutes last night. On opposite shifts. It all started when I went to bed at 1 am. Well I went to bed at midnight but finally was starting to feel sleepy around 1. And Bailey woke up. It felt like I just got her calmed down when Collin came in. We tried co-sleeping with Bailey, keeping Collin in bed. Tried co-sleeping with Collin, putting Bailey back in her crib. Tried co-sleeping with both. At 5 am I gave up. I dealt with Collin who was up, again, and curled up on the couch hoping to block them out. I just wanted my husband to do the night shift for once. Then Bailey began to fuss from her crib. The hubs, instead of getting her like I would do, started snapping his fingers at her to calm her down. What the hell is that supposed to do? Needless to say I went in. Changed her, and put her right next to him. "Will that make it easier?" I asked, followed by walking out and shutting the door. As soon as my eyes started closing again it was Collin's turn. Fortunately, I did manage to get an hour or so of sleep after that before needing to get up to get Thomas ready for school.

I came across an ad on Craigslist the other night, by a mom photographer looking for someone to just photograph her son's birthday party so she could enjoy it. Just clicking and burning to a disc. I could do that! So I replied. I haven't heard back so I doubt I will but it was nice to dream for a minute. Especially since she ended her ad with saying something along the lines of If the photos are good, I am also looking for an assistant. Eh, the dreams I started dreaming. I would love to find a real photographer out their to take me under their wings. 

Speaking of jobs, I was asked if I would be interested in bartending a Valentines party. Yes, that is a ways away, but it's money!

And speaking of photography, my cousin wanted to know if I could do a family shoot for her and her daughters portraits! It would be for free, but the exposure is nice. I need to find a way to make some cash... 

On the financial; side, the hubs did finally get a reply from his Craigslist ad. A pretty decent sized job. He was paid half yesterday which went straight to our phone/cable/internet bill. So that stayed on this morning! W00T! And he is supposed to be paid for a small job he did last week for my father. That will go to my electric as long as my dad doesn't screw us over, again. 

I've mentioned having to apply for food stamps and not hearing a thing about it, right? Well I finally got a hold of someone yesterday. My application was processed on the 14th but has yet to be assigned a worker. What the....? I have a worker. I've been on food stamps. I've had the same worker for a while now since I am still on state medical. So much for emergency food stamps in 7 days. Unless the comes through before Bailey's birthday party will have no food. It's not like we are planning on going all out. Cake, coffee, chips, cold-cuts, soda, juice, water. 

On the note of Bailey's 1st birthday party, I want to know if this makes me selfish.. Please be honest. Maybe I am being an idiot. Bailey is my 1st and only daughter. And unless there is a huge oopsie, our last child. With each of the boys we went all out on decorations, (home made) cakes, goody bags, games and food. I want the same for my daughter. Food is already being cut down, and I am not skimping on the cakes I have been planning for almost a year, but I am really stressing on the decorations and goody bags. I want people to walk in and be blinded by the amount of pinkness. Pink streamers, balloons, pink "1" center pieces, and wall decorations. I want to deck out her high chair with a little tray skirt, all in pink. She already has two of the most gorgeous outfits to wear, her party has to match. Then the goody bags, They are just plain clear cellophane bags that say happy birthday, but I want them filled with ring pops, candy necklaces, temp. tattoos, pink gum balls, skittles (in the pink bag) and so on, oh and I found these little magic wands, 4/$1! and matching swords for the same price! How cute would those be for the boys and girls? We have a lot of kids coming... Oh the stress! So yeah, I have been freaking out about it more than likely not being anything I want. 1st birthdays are my absolute favorite to plan and decorate. And now... Well, now I am being told "it's no big deal, she won't remember it anyway" by anyone and everyone. And yes they are right, but I still want to go all out like I did for my boys. So am I being selfish?

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Thomas had his second day of kindergarten today. Oh. Em. Gee. Did it go smoothly? Oh Hellz yea it did! 

Not only did he willingly get on the bus, but we were all up, fed, dressed, and at the bus stop in time! 

Thomas begged me to follow him to school, and I pretty much obliged. At least until the road his school is on. 

Reese's shavings, Choco frosting, Banana cream! Yum!

Dunkin Donuts is easier to get to if I kept going straight. Sorry Thomas, I couldn't turn.

Collin and I tried the new "Monkey See Monkey Donut". And I am thoroughly impressed. 

I will admit, the Reese's shaving on top of what looks to be a Boston Cream donut definitely lured me in.

Very bad cell quality.

Around 10-10:30 Collin disappeared while I cleaned the kitchen with Bailey beneath my feet. 

He was found sound asleep in his bed. Sneakers still on but no diaper in sight. He slept. Never being one to miss a truly great opportunity, I nursed Bailey to sleep. By 11 am, my home, for the 1st time in what seems like forever. (More like 11.5 months) was completely silent. I turned off my television, curled up on the couch, and went to sleep.  ....Well at least until the plumber came knocking at my door 45 minutes later waking me up.

Dreading bedtime I awoke Collin for lunch. 

A lunch we enjoyed sitting together in the quiet kitchen.

The quietness soon drifted away, with giggles filling in its place.

After lunch, Bailey woke up and had her lunch. We cleaned up the mornings toys and went to wait for Thomas at the bus stop. While there, Collin played with an ant hill, Bailey smacked me in the face a dozen plus three times, the hubs drove by waving, he began walking down the hill, and Thomas got off the bus. Just two minutes too early according to the hubs who was trying to get there in time to see his sweet boy climb down the big steps.

We walked up our long hill as a family. Letting Thomas tell us all about his day. He showed us one of the exercise moves he learned in gym. "You put your belly on the ground, your hands and feet just like this and push up and go back down and you keep doing that until the whistle blows, then you do a new one." Apparently the gym teacher wants to see if the class is in good shape. At least according to my 5 year old.

Coming upstairs, Thomas changed from his school clothes to play clothes, and we did some "school" work.

Thomas and I practiced the number "2" together and writing his last name. 

Whoever came up with the idea of having any last name longer than "Smith" obviously never tried teaching a child to write there name. I still hate printing my married name which happens to be twice as long as my maiden name.

After doing that Thomas asked me to tell him the alphabet slowly while he made me a "ah prize".

With each letter I spoke, he wrote the upper and lower case letter. I think he did pretty well considering we haven't been writing much lately. The kid did have problems remembering "W" is not the same as "M" and making he "S" the right way instead of backwards. Apparently he can only write the "S" right, when spelling "Thomas." Oh, and his "Z's" look just like a perfect "S". I am so proud of my little school boy.

Thomas, also wrote his numbers, 1-10, all on his own.

Now to work on decreasing the size of his writing. He will never be able to fit his 1st and last name on the top of a page with the way he writes. I hear that is normal though. 

We all ate dinner tonight at the same table! Most nights, Tom and I sit at the kitchen table, Bailey in her high chair, sort of next to me, and the boys are their little fisher price table, right next to the big table. Tonight, the boys sat and ate with Tom and I, and Bailey's high chair went between Collin and I at the corner of the table. 

And the best part! All three kids ate everything on their plate. No one screamed, "Ew" or said, " I don't like gibbly-goo." No one threw their food onto my freshly swept floor. Each child was treated a left over mini-"pup"cake and was sent to bed soon after.

Unfortunately, a long nap combined with a toddler who just won't sleep at bedtime and Collin is still up. While I typed the 1st bit of this, he sat upon my lap with his head on my shoulder.

While I typed another part, he laid on the floor between my feet.

He is now lying on the couch with one of Bailey's old receiving blankets and his pillow.

Fortunately, his eyes are getting heavier and he keeps rubbing them.

Hopefully he is asleep in a few minutes. Mommy must get up at 5 am since tomorrow is in fact, Wednesday-not Tuesday which I thought most of today..

Nice Things? Not me!

You know that one person who doesn't own anything nice? Or that person one person who breaks every thing?

That is me. I am just not meant to have anything nice. Ever.

As a child, I went through 6 different Walkmans.
Every year I was given a porcelain doll for Christmas. I shattered a few of them.
My now deceased paternal grandmother hand made a ceramic lamp for me. It fell off my dresser and shattered.
I had a beautiful gold necklace given to me for my 1st Holy Communion, it was stolen. Along with every other piece of real jewelery and everything else with value.
I have lost 4 disc-mans, 2 pagers, and my first cell phone.
All by my 14th birthday.

The 1st year Tom and I were dating he gave me a four leaf clover charm. I wore it around my neck faithfully. I woke up one morning with it gone.

He gave my a gold dragon necklace with a real emerald in it. Broke the chain, then lost the dragon.

The very 1st ring he gave me on August 14th, 2001. It had light blue and clear stones all the way around. All but 4 stones are gone.

I lost my favorite "Nightmare before Christmas" purse, filled with my wallet (all my information, $$$, unused gift cards), keys, and other crap, all by leaving it on the roof of the car and driving off. --I was fortunate to get it back over a year later! With everything still in it but the cash and gift cards. Even very stale cigarettes were still in there.

There are 3 other chains I had snapped all from Tom.

Right before Christmas '08 I told him not to get me any jewelery as I break it all. I told him the colors of Thomas', Collin's and the baby we miscarried's birthstones. I asked him to just go to a craft store or Wal*Mart and just string me a bracelet with cheap "crystal" beads. It was all I wanted. That way if it had, indeed broke, it wouldn't be money down the drain and would be easy to replace.

He didn't listen. He came home with this; it was beautiful. I cried. It had each of our names and our boys names with our birthdays, and the baby we miscarried on it with the date.

It broke within a month. It was an easy fix, but it kept falling apart. After how much he spent on it in the 1st place I felt horrible. I warned him. It broke for good back in March of this year. I need a piece to fix it.

Then on Tom's birth curseday I went to McDonald's for breakfast. I was in the drive-thru when I  looked at my hand on the steering wheel only to notice the diamond from my engagement ring was missing. Yep. Gone.

Both my lenses for my Nikon are broken, from falling off things, which is way when I used that camera I have to manually focus in each shot.


Anyway, that is just some of the things I have lost or broken. Yes, I totally do suck.. I was doing very well for a few months.

That is, until today...

Mommy Why?-A Way Back Whensday Post.

10 years ago I was pregnant. Yes, 10 years ago I wasn't even old enough to be in high school, yet I was carrying a child. Scary thought right?

I will never forget sitting with my father and him actually saying he loved me, whatever decision I made was fine with him and he'd support me. Mostly, I remember him saying something along the lines of, "Next time use two condoms." What sticks out about that is, at such a young age I knew 2 condoms were less safe than 1.

I remember my mother telling me to keep the baby, she'd raise her until I finished school. We'd make it work. I remember her telling me I should have asked to be put on birth control. How would I know it would be okay to ask for birth control at such a young age, when my parents have never spoken to me about the birds and the bees? Hell, I remember being punished for asking where babies come from.

Even with the huge amount of support from my parents, I chose abortion. I mean really what was the big deal? It's not like it was a baby yet..

August 4th, 2000; I walked in to the clinic. Passed the protesters. Passed the signs of dead babies. Passed the people screaming at me that I was selfish and about to kill an innocent life. Honestly, it didn't even phase me. I was going in and no one was stopping me.

As I laid on the examination table, ready for *my* child to be scraped and suctioned from my womb, the nurse and I joked about my hair which was a complete rainbow of colors at the time. After the procedure, all I cared about was getting some food into me and going home.

The thought of what I had done didn't really affect me for a while. Until a fight between me and the would-have-been father, when he said I killed his baby. Even then, not so much.

Then suddenly like a sack of bricks, I had a breakdown. I *did* kill our baby. I still felt as if I made the right decision for us at the time, but now I yearned for my child.

Today, I still yearn for that child.

Today, when people ask for my opinion on abortion, it is simply. It's your body, your choice; but know, that choice can haunt you for a lifetime.

Sleepless nights.

Tried to sleep.
Can't sleep.
Tried t.v.
Killed my mind.
Tried to sleep.
Can't sleep.
Tried milk.
Threw up.
Brushed my teeth
Now it's time to try and sleep.

Thank you Rachel

You are truley amazing!

Wow! I can see again!

I lost/broke/lost my glasses when Thomas was about 1, or closer to when he was 15 mos. That was Dec. 06. Since then pretty much everything has been a blur. Yea I haven't gotten them fixed, or gotten new glasses since.. Until the state was willing to completely pay for them that is :D

Here I am in my brand new glasses, I love lookin' like a book lovin' geek :D Yay me!
Oh, and ya gotta love Collin's cute wittle face in this shot

Mars and Venus

Last night, we took the boys to McD's and saw a great sight!
Its was what we thought was the moon and two really bright stars,
when we got home we learned the bright stars were Mars and Venus!

Goals.

Screw Everyone who believes my life will fail.
I don't need anything negative in my life.
I can better my life
-all aspects of it.

January is coming quick. January usually means new years resolutions that no one keeps.
I have quite a few I have been contemplating for this year. I will stick through mine until they come true.

My goals for 2009.
1. Get down to a size 6/7, or 130 lbs.
2. Move into a 2-3 bedroom apartment or house, that I can see my family staying in for years to come. A place for us to live until we are ready to purchase our 1st home.
3. Pay off all debts.
4. Stay drug-free.
5. Teach my oldest son the preschool basics.
6. Get my menstrual cycle back to normal.
-and lastly, and only if the above 6 come true:
7. Start TTC#3!

Motrin Offends Moms w/ this one

Motrin comes out with this ad for baby-wearing moms:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmykFKjNpdY

Pulls it after offending a billion moms:
http://motrin.com/

And my new favorite mom makes a comeback:
http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/motherhood_uncensored/2008/11/if-you-cant-joi.html

Join in on ridding the world of Bush!

Been so long!

I cannot believe I am talking to her! My best friend, and we have never even met. She is the only one that I can actually tell any-and everything to without feeling judged. There are a few women from JM that I can trust like this, but for some reason, I chose her. She is my rock. I swear I can probably run away from home, and go live under her front porch and she wouldn't even mind.

Rachel, thank you for logging on to AIM and giving me a few moments of a real conversation, even if we always just bullshit.