It was one hour ago, I put the boys to bed.
It was twenty minutes ago I had posted on Facebook about all three children being asleep.
Apparently one was faking.
Of course, after his 2 hour nap today, bedtime was not going to be that easy.
But, it's okay. He's being cute.
He came slowly tiptoeing out of his bedroom, and over to the couch where my husband lay, and kissed his arm.
Then his shoulder. Then his cheek and forehead.
At this point Daddy was smiling and my two boys were both giggling away. Of course when you laugh at Collin, or any of the kids really, he continues.
After a good 3-5 minutes of Collin kissing Daddy all over, the hubs told him with a huge grin, "That's enough Collin. It's time for bed."
Of course after the attention he was receiving he did not want to go back to bed. Then the kisses for Mommy began.
Of course I tried to kiss him back, and laid a gentle kiss upon his forehead, to which he replied, "No kiss my threehead!"
This has been one hell of a snowy Winter in the North East, with record totals for the month of January. I am beyond sick of it. Especially since I've yet to get my photo of the snow coming down. Just can't seem to capture it. Really ticks me off...
Anyway, this last storm that hit (18 inches here, on top of the few feet of snow already on the ground....) had brought me entire street closer together. I do not have neighbors who talk to each other unless it's to complain about noise or parked cars. Or children. Yesterday, not a car or foot print had even touched the snow at 9:45 am. Shocking, right? Then when the plow did come he got stuck. 10 or so of my neighbors were outside digging out cars. Sidewalks. Even the street. Hell, even the plow! Then for the first time in my life, I saw a plow driver get out and shovel! The neighbors and the plow dude came together, moving the snow that has taken over the cul-de-sac this past couple of weeks, and moving the cars that prevented the plow from doing it's job to the fullest. Unfortunately they didn't pay such close attention to the rest of the street and now my dead end, narrow road is one lane only. With no where to pull over. I'm waiting for a disaster here..
Anyway, like I said neighbors pulled together. Talking, laughing, and of course, bitching about the snow. People helped each other move cars and snow. I swear, nothing brings people closer than a big storm. I took a walk, with camera slung around my neck to the corner. A normally 5 minute walk took an 30 minutes. Yep, it took me an hour to get to the corner and back! I talked to so many people. People assumed because I had my telephoto lens, that I knew what I was doing. People, who are usually rude and bitchy, actually moved out of my way so I could get the shots I was aiming for. Wow. Even more shocking!
The coolest part of the whole day has to be the mountains of snow, some as high as street signs, some even higher. And then the sun came out and we saw blue skies! And, even more exciting about the giant piles of snow, it was perfect for making slides out of it, and sliding down. All without a sled. Oh yes, my boys loved this! And, lastly, this was the first snow that Bailey actually enjoyed, at least now that she finally figured out walking in her snowsuit.
Fun. Worthwhile. Love-filled. Amazing. Giddy. A few hours I will cherish forever.
All ways I will remember tonight.
Many know I am very anal about bedtime. 8pm is time for the boys to go down, then Bailey and I to cuddle while she nurses, then she goes down. Many nights I stress and get upset as Collin flat out refuses to go to bed, even if he is dead tired. Tonight was one of those nights.
Not too often there is something I have to get done after bedtime, but tonight (last night, as it's after midnight now..) was one of those nights. With Collin's party being tomorrow (today?) and me doing most of the baking myself, I had a lot to accomplish tonight. Normally I'd get upset, beg my husband to get Collin to sleep, and I'd be so flustered I'd screw up everything I needed to do.
Tonight was strangely different. Very welcomed, but different. Instead of bothering my tired husband, who was sound asleep on the couch, I let Collin come help. It may have been the best decision I've made in a very long time. We had so much fun just doing simple tasks. He enjoyed egg cracking. I didn't mind digging eggshells out of bowls. He helped pour, mix, measure. I laughed at his spills. He was in a silly mood, and making silly faces. I was silly as well. He and I both laughed so hard our bellies hurt. With the fits of giggles, and the quality time spent, I don't even mind the huge disaster my kitchen currently is. Collin has been more affectionate than usual lately, and tonight even more so. It seemed like every 5 minutes he was reaching for hugs, randomly planting soft little kisses on my arms and face, and telling me, "I love you Mommy."
It's not too often Collin and I get fun alone time. Our usual alone time is during Bailey's nap while Thomas is in school. We don't usually have anywhere near this much fun. We usually do his speech "homework" or other educational activities he enjoys, like working on learning to read and write the alphabet. Don't get me wrong we have a great time doing those things together but..tonight was so different. It was like there wasn't a care in the world. It was just Collin and I. And with three kids between 1 and 5, those feelings are a bit too rare for my taste.
After tonight (last night..) some things I've known really rang true. Like how it's okay to break the routines and rules sometimes. It's okay to let these kids make a mess. It's okay to let them stay up late every so often for some good old fashioned one on one time. It's okay to let each child believe they're your favorite. It's okay to sometimes take off the parent cap, and enjoy being their friend.
I cannot begin to express how much just baking with my boy tonight has affected me. It's as if I got a whole new glimpse on life. And I cannot wait to start spending more time alone with each of my children.
Collin's birthday party is fast approaching. It is this Sunday. We are still struggling with after-Christmas catch up, and Tom is laid off again. Unfortunately, between having to pay the rent this week and taking Collin out to celebrate yesterday, and grocery shopping, we are pretty much tapped out. This will be yet, another party I cannot provide for my children. Another party I have to count on my father to play the parental role.
I am so angry, bitter, and depressed right now. I am these kids mom. I am the one who is supposed to give them nothing short of the best. I am the one who is supposed to give them that fun-and-friend-filled day filled with games, activities, and cake. And as par with the tradition we formed, Collin will be getting the short end of the birthday party stick.
Thomas each year, has an amazing party with an excellent turn out. Almost everyone I know with kids shows up. We have a great time, the kids play as it's still summer, we have great food, great cake or cupcakes, and the kids walk away with stuffed goodie bags. Everyone always enjoys Thomas' parties.
Bailey has only had one so far, and it was not at bad as Collin's but not that fantastic either. I didn't spend any time at all with my children, or my husband. I was too busy rushing along everything in fear of everyone leaving before we got to the cake that took almost 8 hours to make. Everyone was cold, but we had no where indoors, large enough for the amount of people we had invited. And just like Collin, other than Tom and my immediate family and my best friend, no one with kids came. I had 16 goodie bags, and so many kids cupcakes that I had to bring back home.
Both of Collin's parties while stress free have been awful. The first year, with a winter birthday we had to give him a two day party, one day for the kids we invited, and one for just the adults. Only half of the people we invited, came. I had counted on most, as that's what happened with Thomas' first two. Last year for his 2nd, only our immediate families came. No one else.
This year, again as it has been since the year he was born, money is practically non-existent. So many people knew my fear of no one showing and had promised they would make it. The party is Sunday, and only two of those people have RSVPed. We have yet to put the money down on the hall, and do not have it. My father, as usual will be taking care of that. Then, because it is in a hall, we need to provide activities and games for the kids, to keep them occupied. I had so many plans and ideas for a perfect Winter party and have no money to make any of them come true, even with how cheap they were. We have no money for goodie bags. No money for cake, of course my father will take care of that as well. And no money for the coffee and appetizers. We only want to do chips, and a few tray of veggies, fruits, meats and cheeses. Simply and not to expensive like Baileys, but again, have no cash.
My father has offered to put off paying his electric bill for another week to use his unemployment check on Collin's party. And I am very grateful for having parents who do care so much about providing for my children. While they won't get down and play with them, they will make sure they have everything the need.
Yet, as grateful as I am, I am angry and depressed, and just plain miserable about the whole thing. I am so beyond sick of having to rely on dear ol' daddy to take care of me and my children. I am sick of still needing him. I am so tired of not being able to provide 100% for my children.
I should just count my blessings and get over it. I mean, at least my children do get birthday parties. My niece and nephew (3 and 8 years old) have never once had a birthday party. At least until this year, when I celebrated them at Thomas and Bailey's parties.
And now I feel guilty. Guilty for not providing the best for my children. Guilty for not just being thankful for what help I do have.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Yes, Collin is about to turn 3. Three? How did that happen? Crazy to think that the year he was born changed our lives so much. We are still struggling to get back to where we were before his birth, 3 years later.
Small, sweet, Collin has learned such an amazing amount of new things since his last birthday. One year ago, he only pointed and grunted to communicate with us. Six months ago he had a vocab of about 20-30 words. Now?
Just this moment, while sitting here type this I've heard, "No, Mommis (Thomas) it my turn." "I shoot you boss." "I running around." "Stop it." And he is still talking!
We just had Collin's speech eval a couple of weeks ago. He has been receiving speech therapy over the past eight months through our state's Birth to Three program, and it has helped tremendously. The evaluation was to determine if he would qualify for other services after his 3rd birthday. While we still have a long ways to go with his articulation, we are so pleased to say, he no longer needs help. This coming Friday will be Collin's very last speech session. Wow.
We have received the results, and my not quite three year old has the intelligence level of a 54 month old. What? A four and a half year old? My boy? Wow. He does have the articulation of an eighteen month old still though, which is what we need to work on. He cannot make a "k" sound in the beginning of a word and will substitute a "d" sound. He has a frontal lisp, and another "thing" I cannot remember the name of. But he is doing great. Over the next two months we have to work on phonics, letter sounds, pronounciation, all the fun stuff. We have two months to work on this. In two months time, if he has made an expected amount of improvement we will move on to get him ready to start preschool in the fall. Yea, preschool! I cannot believe he is almost old enough for preschool! If he has not made enough of an improvement he will receive speech services while he is at school.
Now, I just mentioned Collin has the intelligence level of a 4.5 year old. I wanted to share a few things Collin has been doing around here. Let me preface by saying, I have not done any drills with him to be able to do these things. Nothing. Like potty training, I've let him lead me, and when I've seen an interest or him beginning to do something, I jump in to help. No sitting at a table doing these things over and over again. Just him starting and me assisting.
A few months ago, Collin had started tracing. He was tracing his name, all 26 letters of the alphabet, numbers 0-9, coloring book pages, everything he could. Two weeks ago, while at the doctors office I wrote the alphabet on the paper that was on the exam table, for him to trace. Instead of tracing, Collin shocked me and wrote the letters underneath my alphabet. Talk about impressed. When we got home and were doing homework with his big brother, Thomas, I wrote his name on our dry erase board for him to look at, and spelled it out a few times, then went back to Thomas. When I looked back over to him, this is what I saw:
(Click to Enlarge to see what Collin was working on.)
Yes, my not-quite-three year old wrote this. Not perfect, one 'L' looks like an 'r', but amazing for his age, especially with his speech history. And H L L O, awfully close to "hello". Yea, I'm a very proud mommy.
A few days ago, he did the whole alphabet for me, and we went over letter names.
We got Collin a little workbook for him to do while Thomas does his homework. Just tonight, Collin spent over 30 minutes working on his "homework." The first few pages, where just tracing lines and scribbling. Then he worked on the letters A and B. Here is his "B" page:
I mentioned Collin will be going to preschool. We sent his application for Thomas' school out last week. We are fortunate to have sibling and neighborhood preference, and the pre-k-3 program is a lot easier to get in than pre-k-4 or kindergarten, so we are pretty sure he'll get the spot. It will be full day, 9:15-3:25, 5 days a week. They will instill the same beliefs they are instilling in Thomas, and Collin is already working on reciting the school motto. "Be kind. Be courteous. Always do your best. And always ask for help."
I still can't get over him turning three. I still regret not remembering so much of his 1st year, but I think with this last year, I've made it up to him. Collin and my relationship has changed so much this year. He clearly adores me. He hugs me and kisses me randomly through out the day. He has been known to run out of his room in the middle of the night to come find me to tell me he loves me. And to steal something from the pantry. His imagination is already right up there with his brother, who he loves to play with. And he has even become quite the big brother these past 12 months. He loves to play babies with his little sister, or to help her play with the boys. He is just an all around great kid.
Collin is due for his 6 month re-eval since starting speech therapy. I am afraid they are going to say he doesn't need anymore. :blush: I know he still does. The kid can't even say his name (ah in) and so many other words. But he does have quite the little vocab now. He only grunts or moans for his requests a few times a week now, where as he was doing so all the time when we started. I am so proud of his progress, I couldn't be any prouder. He has come such a long way in the past six months. A very long way.
Some mommy brags are:
-Counting to 10 when he thinks no one is listening/watching.
-repeating letters, although they are all "E O A".
-know's the basic shapes (stars, circles, squares, hearts, triangles).
-know's basic colors although he likes to say all colors are green (black, blue, green, yellow, orange, red, purple, pink, white).
-Has started to sing songs he knows.
-Traces EVERYTHING (not speech related, but still love it!) and draws smiley faces giving them all names of the family.
-able to communicate potty needs.
-able to communicate needs and feelings.
Since Thomas has started full time kindergarten, Collin is doing amazing. In speech therapy, as well as behavior. During the school day I almost never have to raise my voice (still working on that!), do time out, distract him, anything. He is an amazing listener when Thomas isn't around. The only time he acts up is when Bailey steals a toy, knocks over his blocks, etc, which is understandable.
We still have to work on him talking very loudly a lot of the time, and his recent development of covering his ears at 'loud' noises. And do a new hearing test. Basically, in public restrooms it started. Screaming "Loud" while covering his ears when the toilet's flush. Then it moved onto the sound of the vacuum, the toilet at home, buses driving by standing at the bus stop, Tom listening to music, Bailey crying, horns beeping. How he is reacting to loud sounds is my only concern.
I really hope today goes smoothly and he can stay in for another 6 months...
I have no support from Tom on this front at all. He never thought Collin needed speech therapy. And is hoping he can stop after today...
Like many other children, my boys love to "read" or be read to.
Their baby sister is just starting to show her love of books.
My sweet little lady flipped the pages of this book over and over again. Each time she got to a picture of a little boy who looks like her big brother (my middle child), she squealed with delight pointing with her little finger at his smiling face.
Of course, my two other little attention seekers children couldn't let the little girl of the house hog the spotlight.
They had to join in, forming their own little story time.
