It was one hour ago, I put the boys to bed.
It was twenty minutes ago I had posted on Facebook about all three children being asleep.
Apparently one was faking.
Of course, after his 2 hour nap today, bedtime was not going to be that easy.
But, it's okay. He's being cute.
He came slowly tiptoeing out of his bedroom, and over to the couch where my husband lay, and kissed his arm.
Then his shoulder. Then his cheek and forehead.
At this point Daddy was smiling and my two boys were both giggling away. Of course when you laugh at Collin, or any of the kids really, he continues.
After a good 3-5 minutes of Collin kissing Daddy all over, the hubs told him with a huge grin, "That's enough Collin. It's time for bed."
Of course after the attention he was receiving he did not want to go back to bed. Then the kisses for Mommy began.
Of course I tried to kiss him back, and laid a gentle kiss upon his forehead, to which he replied, "No kiss my threehead!"
All children grow up. All people grow. It's just harder when it's your children and you weren't the best behaved teen on the block.And neither was your spouse.
So many people think of 11, 12, 13, 14 year olds as very young. Hell, even I think it's young. But is it really so young that it's shocking that kids at these ages think about sex? That kids these ages, think about drinking and getting high? That kids these ages, are actually doing things that would give their parents heart attacks?
I look at my children, especially my daughter and recount my pre-teen and early teen years. I think about how I will kill them or lock them away somewhere far away from the outside world if they even mentioned thinking about the things their father and I were doing at those ages.. But, is that the smart way to think about it? And if talking to my children is the right way to go about this, when is the right time to start? When they are too young to even understand? Or when the thought are already in their heads, and they're already acting on them?
Between 12-14 years old, I had started by giving head to high school boys, running away from home to be with high school boys and 18-25 year old men, shoplifting, drinking, smoking pot, popping pills, having sex, getting pregnant, being locked up in juvenile detention, skipping class, skipping school, getting kicked out of my parents house, and dating a man 7.5 years older than me. The hubs, was still drinking, smoking pot, and went on to snort coke, smoke crack, shooting up heroin, selling firearms to big shit drug dealers, moving from institution to institution.
How do I prevent my children from doing the shit I did? While, yes, my parents are what exposed me to drugs and alcohol, but they didn't introduce me to sex. In fact, when I did ask my mother at 6 years old, "how does a mommy get a baby in her belly?" I was told to go to my room. When I did ask my mother what sex was, I was grounded for a week. Maybe that's what did it to me? Maybe their fear of teaching me about sex, and honoring my body, and acting like it was a sin, was why I became so interested? Maybe, my parents addiction is why I started drinking and smoking weed so young? But how does that explain the hubs? His parents never did any drugs, yet he ended up strung out on dope by 14? How does that happen?
How do I get right and wrong through these kids' heads? How do I make it clear to them, that they can talk to me about anything? How do I get it through to them, that I will not judge or belittle them? That I won't make them feel stupid, or disgusting for asking? And then, how do I teach them to make the right decisions? Especially when both the hubs and I have made such awful ones?
Everyone always has the same answer, just keep talking to them. But how young is too young? When do I start? When I was Thomas' age I was hanging out with boys kissing behind houses. How do I talk to him, when he is still so little?
About a month ago, Thomas came into my room in the middle of the night wanting a drink or something. As like most nights, I was curled up with the hubs, with my head on his chest and my body wrapped around him. When my 5 year old came in, he asked if we were "doing sex". So is now the right time to talk to him about this? The parent in me says it's way too young to even think about starting to talk about these things. Then the still a child part of me, tells me to start talking, while I have my chance.
Back when I was pregnant with Bailey and Thomas asked how she got in my tummy, I explained to him that a man plants a seed inside a women. And that seed grows into a baby. Not a lie, exactly, but still not disturbing details. It was a good enough answer for him. But now the sex thing? When he asked, it was around 2 in the morning. I brought him into the living room, and asked him if he remembered how a baby got into a mommy's belly, which he did. So, I told him that sex was the way a man got the seed into the women, and that married couples have sex for two reasons, to make a baby and to share their love with each other. I don't know if it was the right answer. I don't know if it was too "mature" for him, or too "childish" for him. He seemed pleased with the answer, grabbed some water and went back to bed.
Now, I realize that his asking was just the tip of the iceberg. I have three children who are going to grow. And it is my responsibility to make sure they grow into good, honest, smart, self-confident people. It is my responsibility to teach them right from wrong. It is my responsibility to be the one to answer the embarrassing questions, not to shove them away to learn on their own.
This has been one hell of a snowy Winter in the North East, with record totals for the month of January. I am beyond sick of it. Especially since I've yet to get my photo of the snow coming down. Just can't seem to capture it. Really ticks me off...
Anyway, this last storm that hit (18 inches here, on top of the few feet of snow already on the ground....) had brought me entire street closer together. I do not have neighbors who talk to each other unless it's to complain about noise or parked cars. Or children. Yesterday, not a car or foot print had even touched the snow at 9:45 am. Shocking, right? Then when the plow did come he got stuck. 10 or so of my neighbors were outside digging out cars. Sidewalks. Even the street. Hell, even the plow! Then for the first time in my life, I saw a plow driver get out and shovel! The neighbors and the plow dude came together, moving the snow that has taken over the cul-de-sac this past couple of weeks, and moving the cars that prevented the plow from doing it's job to the fullest. Unfortunately they didn't pay such close attention to the rest of the street and now my dead end, narrow road is one lane only. With no where to pull over. I'm waiting for a disaster here..
Anyway, like I said neighbors pulled together. Talking, laughing, and of course, bitching about the snow. People helped each other move cars and snow. I swear, nothing brings people closer than a big storm. I took a walk, with camera slung around my neck to the corner. A normally 5 minute walk took an 30 minutes. Yep, it took me an hour to get to the corner and back! I talked to so many people. People assumed because I had my telephoto lens, that I knew what I was doing. People, who are usually rude and bitchy, actually moved out of my way so I could get the shots I was aiming for. Wow. Even more shocking!
The coolest part of the whole day has to be the mountains of snow, some as high as street signs, some even higher. And then the sun came out and we saw blue skies! And, even more exciting about the giant piles of snow, it was perfect for making slides out of it, and sliding down. All without a sled. Oh yes, my boys loved this! And, lastly, this was the first snow that Bailey actually enjoyed, at least now that she finally figured out walking in her snowsuit.
Fun. Worthwhile. Love-filled. Amazing. Giddy. A few hours I will cherish forever.
All ways I will remember tonight.
Many know I am very anal about bedtime. 8pm is time for the boys to go down, then Bailey and I to cuddle while she nurses, then she goes down. Many nights I stress and get upset as Collin flat out refuses to go to bed, even if he is dead tired. Tonight was one of those nights.
Not too often there is something I have to get done after bedtime, but tonight (last night, as it's after midnight now..) was one of those nights. With Collin's party being tomorrow (today?) and me doing most of the baking myself, I had a lot to accomplish tonight. Normally I'd get upset, beg my husband to get Collin to sleep, and I'd be so flustered I'd screw up everything I needed to do.
Tonight was strangely different. Very welcomed, but different. Instead of bothering my tired husband, who was sound asleep on the couch, I let Collin come help. It may have been the best decision I've made in a very long time. We had so much fun just doing simple tasks. He enjoyed egg cracking. I didn't mind digging eggshells out of bowls. He helped pour, mix, measure. I laughed at his spills. He was in a silly mood, and making silly faces. I was silly as well. He and I both laughed so hard our bellies hurt. With the fits of giggles, and the quality time spent, I don't even mind the huge disaster my kitchen currently is. Collin has been more affectionate than usual lately, and tonight even more so. It seemed like every 5 minutes he was reaching for hugs, randomly planting soft little kisses on my arms and face, and telling me, "I love you Mommy."
It's not too often Collin and I get fun alone time. Our usual alone time is during Bailey's nap while Thomas is in school. We don't usually have anywhere near this much fun. We usually do his speech "homework" or other educational activities he enjoys, like working on learning to read and write the alphabet. Don't get me wrong we have a great time doing those things together but..tonight was so different. It was like there wasn't a care in the world. It was just Collin and I. And with three kids between 1 and 5, those feelings are a bit too rare for my taste.
After tonight (last night..) some things I've known really rang true. Like how it's okay to break the routines and rules sometimes. It's okay to let these kids make a mess. It's okay to let them stay up late every so often for some good old fashioned one on one time. It's okay to let each child believe they're your favorite. It's okay to sometimes take off the parent cap, and enjoy being their friend.
I cannot begin to express how much just baking with my boy tonight has affected me. It's as if I got a whole new glimpse on life. And I cannot wait to start spending more time alone with each of my children.
(If interested in attending this magical even please skip to the last part of this entry to receive $5 off ticket prices! This show is perfect for all ages, from infant to elderly!)
Wow. Just wow. Last night, for the first time ever I got to enjoy a Disney on Ice performance on opening night at the Hartford, CT XL Center. Considering what a huge Disney fan I am, this was a wonderful treat for me, to be able to take my children to see two hours of magic.. And it was magical.
When we got there we were treated to a meet and greet. I think I was more excited than my children. My 5 year old enjoyed giving Mickey and Minnie a hug with his eyes lit up like I've never seen. Bailey, at just 15 months of age, was fascinated by Minnie, I think she was jealous of her bow! My hesitant, shy Collin, almost 3, did not want anything to do with them, and preferred to keep an eye on them from a distance. Due to time restraints and Mickey and Minnie needing to get ready to perform, they had staff on hand to take pictures for the family. Considering I'm usually the one behind the camera, this was a big deal to me to be included in a wonderful family memory.
(Please Click to Enlarge Photos!)
When going into the show I was a nervous wreck not knowing if my camera would be allowed in or not. They have a 90mm detachable lens limit. I just made it in with my 80mm lens. Whew! What a relief! When we went to grab our seats my 5 year old did begin to whine a bit, he wanted every item they had on sale for the show. The prices for the promotional items weren't too bad at all considering it is a live event. When he finally saw the ice he couldn't believe it!
At 5 minutes to show time, an announcer let us know just that. And again at the 3 minute mark. My nerves were still a wreck not knowing how my almost 3 year old and 15 month old would behave and react. When the lights went dim and the show started they were immediately captivated! Even my "tough guy" husband was mesmerized! We were introduced to Mickey & the gang and told they were going on a safari! As the show started, my eyes began to swell watching my children, wanting to know their exact thoughts.
The Lion King was breathtaking! The dance between Simba and Nala was beautifully executed. Childhood memories came flashing back as I sang along to the songs I've known for so long. It was brilliant!
After The Lion King, Mickey and Minnie announced they were going to the tropics! I drew such a blank trying to figure which Disney Classic we were going to see next. When Sebastian from The Little Mermaid came out I couldn't stop smiling. When Ariel sang, "Part of your world" I felt like I was watching the movie curled up on my couch, singing all the words without a care who heard me.
Just look at those faces! Wish I got Collin in on this but still.
You can see how their eyes stay on the show.
I could not believe they included my most recent, non princess movie favorite in the show! Lilo & Stitch is one of my absolute favorites! I was beyond thrilled! It was during this part the tears came back. When Lilo sat on her bed wishing to her shooting star that she wanted an angel, and again when she was telling Stitch about her "little and broken family" I couldn't hold them back. During Stitch's Ohana line I again swelled up. That movie is a perfect example of the importance of family and they nailed that during the show.
During the beginning of this performance, they did experience some technical difficulties with the sound. It was short lived and I did not once here any children complain, cry, or become restless. The rest of the show went on with out a hitch!
After Lilo & Stitch, we had our intermission and I rushed to take Collin to the bathroom. Of course there was a crowd, but I wanted to make sure no one had to go during the show. That plan didn't work out to well as I had to miss much of Peter Pan and the Finale taking Thomas, and then Collin again. At least my husband and daughter got to enjoy!
Yes, Peter Pan was the next show, and this is where it truly became the most magical show in the world.
With Peter Pan flying in for his entrance, Tinker bell shooting Pixie Dust from her wand, Peter fighting to get his shadow back, Wendy and her brothers flying along side Peter, and Captain hook's pirate ship coming out through a cloud of smoke everyone in in the audience was captivated! It was truly amazing!
As tinkerbell left, she flicked her wand one last time, lighting the stage with pyrotechnics. The entire audience sounded like it was filled with nothing but children oohing and ahhing.
Unfortunately, I missed most most of the Peter Pan show, as I mentioned, and again part of the finale. I did make it back in time to catch the cast waving and saying good bye during song.
Between my husband and my daughter clapping together, pointing and laughing; my son's oohing and ahhing trying to see every little thing; and my reliving my childhood; this show was the perfect family experience. Our seats where in the lower level and the "nosebleed" sections were empty. The XL Center's staff and the venue itself were all super child friendly. We had a family consisting of a Grandmother, Mother, and son around 3 years old in front of us, and a family with three kids ranging from a few months to about 8 behind us. Plus so many other people from newborn up to maybe 80-90 years old! The XL Center was amazing with accommodating the handicapped. And the best part is everyone, from the audience members to the staff and performers were kind and polite. Last time I was at a live event, people were so rude and pushing and shoving. Even during the crowds to leave, people were kind and thoughtful. My Collin (3 this month) tried to walk away from us into the crowd, as I struggled to reach his jacket, another mother stopped him in his tracks, gently, smiling and being polite. This is just one of the moments of kindness I saw at the show!
I highly, highly recommend this show for all people, families, couples, friends. I know very well, had just my husband and I gone we still would have had a blast, but of course seeing our children...man.. It was one of the greatest night's we've ever had as a family. Magical doesn't even begin to describe it.
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Just over 7 weeks ago you began full day kindergarten. Mommy was dreading this. How can I be apart from you so long every day, every week, every month from September until June? At 180 days in a school year, that is 1080 hours, give or take, away from you. At first it was hard on Mommy. Constantly worried about how you were doing. Was the work to hard? Did you eat your lunch? Did you get to the bathroom okay? Were you alright getting off and on the bus? Are the teachers treating you with respect? Are the other children kind to you? Have you found your voice amongst others? Are you speaking up when you need help or having a question? Are you having fun? Do you miss me? Do you even think about me while in school? For the 1st couple of weeks I actually counted down the hours and minutes until I had to be at the bus stop.
Seven plus weeks later, while I do still have most of my worries, I am finally okay with you being gone so much. Your little brother behaves so much better when you are not home and you are so much less whiny. That is not the reason I am okay with it though. You are learning so much without the distractions of your siblings getting in the way. I have been told by your wonderful teachers that you are the one child in your class always striving to do your best with every assignment. Though you are usually the last one to finish your work, it is not due to goofing around. You want to make sure everything is correct. Mommy is very proud of you sweet boy. Though we both get frustrated on homework days, I do understand you are tired. You worked very, very hard all day and just want to be a kid and play when you get home. We will work on something to make homework time less stressful. For both of us.
Thomas, this is the beginning of a long haul for you. I can't promise it won't be hard. I can't promise you will always have fun and enjoy it. Just please remember, as long as you follow your school's motto until the day you graduate things will be the best as they can be.
Remember Thomas:
Be Kind.
Be Courteous.
Always Do Your Best.
And Always Ask For Help.
These words you are reciting every morning are an excellent reminder to all, including me. Remember if you need to ask, talk to, or tell me anything at all, school related or not, I am here for you. I want you to always be kind and courteous. I want you to always do your best, not to be confused with the best. And please Thomas, always ask for help.
You have always been so smart and your intelligence is just shining through this school year. Mommy and Daddy are so, so very proud of you and love you more than you will every know. Thomas, you are our light. Our life. Our everything and more. Your siblings and yourself are what matters most to us. You are taking in everything you see, even more so than your younger brother and sister, and because of that Daddy and Mommy are striving to follow those four quotes as well. And if we do fall off, do not hesitate to remind us these wonderful words.
Thomas, I hope the rest of the year goes smoothly for you, and I look forward with great excitement to see you grow and learn. The next big milestone you will reach is reading and I look forward with awe at the prospect of you reading us bedtime stories.
Again sunshine, Mommy loves you so very much. Have fun in school and don't work too hard, but always do your best.
My only daughter, and more than likely last child's 1st birthday is almost upon us. Just over a week away. Wow. Saying it like that scares the shit out of me. Especially since just yesterday I saw this.
Now she is walking, saying her 1st words, behaving like...well...a toddler..
Last Saturday I took her out to do her 1st Birthday portraits. I have yet to decide what photo I will use to be passed out at her birthday party. Or to decide what photo I want printed as a 10x13. Or to decide what other photo's I want displayed . I had so much fun photographing my only daughter. My last baby. Ah. I keep struggling to hold back the tears when I think of her growing up. And when I think of not having a baby in the house. We changed outfits 3 times and went to 3 locations. Unfortunately the sun came out at the second location and we only got one picture there, and it is more of a snapshot than a portrait to hang on display.
Here are some the pictures finally. And to think, I originally took well over 450 pictures and have already narrowed it down to 45. All my fault for always going overboard.
