Smelling the Roses

"The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose."

Sometimes even the most pessimistic person really needs to just stop and smell the roses. Being the "glass is half empty" person I tend to be, I need to remind myself of this. Tonight is one of those nights.

I can sit here and focus on Tom being laid off, yet again. I can focus on the bills and the rent, and our way too small apartment on a run down street. I can focus on all the money I need to come up with to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which all have four cavities. And if you know me, or have been following my blog over the past couple of years, you know I can ramble about pretty much anything.

Instead of rambling and going on and on about the bad, I'm going to take a moment to reflect on the good.

Despite not being to the dentist in 5+ years and having 6 cavities, my teeth aren't bad. I do not need to have any teeth pulled, besides the ones most people need to have done. Despite my glasses breaking, at my own hands, I have a nifty new pair that I was able to buy, and pay for in full, that I absolutely love.

We may not have the largest home, in a decent neighborhood or even a home that we own, but we have a home. We have a roof on our heads. We have a door that locks. We have electricity, heat, and hot water. We have food in the fridge and in the pantry. We have clean clothes, that fit, on our backs and shoes on our feet. We have luxuries like  cable television, internet, house and cell phones. Luxuries like video game consoles, toys, books, and movies. Luxuries like gym memberships, a van that fits our family and runs, and more. We are living comfortably.

Most importantly of all, we have love. We have each other. I have a husband and three children who love and cherish me. As I love and cherish them. I have smiles in the morning, and I love you's at night.

My children are so kind and so smart. Yes, all three have their moments, moments I tend to dwell on more often than I should. But they are really good kids.

Thomas is reading and doing basic math! He just learned to tie his shoes as well! Despite being in school now, he still get's jealous if I don't kiss him after kissing his brother and sister. He still asks for kisses and hugs. He tells me he loves me constantly. His new favorite way to do this is to pop out of no where and shout, "Peek a boo; I love you!" Followed by running into my arms for a hug and kiss. He understands what it means to be a big brother, and even though his sister and brother get on his nerves at times, he does all he can to help them, to play with them, to just be there for them. When either of them are upset, hurt, or just plain not getting their way, Thomas is right there. Either by hugging them saying in his sweet baby voice, "don't cry, Thomas got you" or helping them get what they want or need.

Collin's speech has come so far in the past 11.5 months. A boy who had a vocab of grunts and moans, with the occasional "mommy" and "daddy" does not stop talking! And heaven forbid if you do not listen! "'S'cuse me" or "look at my face" he will shout until you do listen. Even if he just wants to say, "We watched that last day". (Last Day-Collin speak for yesterday) Though he does not know what they are, he is writing all 26 upper and lower case letters. He is singing his ABC's finally, and counting to ten. He finally has his colors and shapes down as well. Some people will think, big deal he's three, he should know this stuff; but it is a big deal! He has come so far, and I cannot help but be proud. The boy colors just as well, if not better than his big brother, and loves to do "homework" right next to Thomas as well. He will sit for hours just working in his "Kindergarten basics" book, and figures most things out on his own. He is loving the computer these days, as well as his Leapster 2 and his (bother's) DS. The boy is obsessed with Barney and if he hears any children song he may have heard on Barney, he will shout, "That a Barney song" over and over again until you put it on. We went through a rough few weeks with him refusing to eat meals. We learned he was just upset that Thomas took over most of the conversation at dinner time and he wanted some attention as well. It may mean us feeding him currently, but it's no big deal. He eats and enjoys dinner again, and Mommy truly does not mind. Hell, I enjoy it just as much. His current favorite way to play is by running in and out of the room to kiss Daddy and I in silly places, from our ears to our hands to our feet. He think's it the funniest thing in the world. Personally I just think it's the sweetest.

And Bailey... oh my Bailey. That girl is at my favorite age. Trying so hard to be a big girl, not quite a baby any more, yet still my baby. Though I am sad our nursing relationship is coming to an end, I am beyond proud of her and I for making it 18 months. (Well Saturday will be 18 months.) I still offer at nap and bedtime. And she only nurses for less than a minute or two, but it's hard to move on. We will keep doing this until she flat out refuses. Which is happening more often than I like these days. When she's done with her boo she climbs down and kisses Daddy "ny ny" and waves. As soon as she gets to the door leading out of the living room she blows kisses, then runs for our room. When I lay her in her crib, which she is sleeping in all night long instead of partially cosleeping with me, she tells me ny ny and blows me a kiss. She is stacking blocks and cups and everything else she can. She can now stack all ten of her stacking cups. She is saying between 15-20 words on a regular basis and is showing interest in the potty! She loves to sit on the big ceramic thrown and talk to me. She is a little Diva-in-training these days and is quick to make her preferences known. From picking her own clothes (and her brothers!) to picking which shoes and jacket she leaves the house in. She likes to pick what cup she drinks from and when she has a bath. She will let you know when she wants to play with you, and when she prefers to play alone. She loves music and will dance for as long as she can hear it. She is just like her brothers, and even me as a kid, and loves Barney. I think it's because of all the songs. She also is a huge Yo Gaba Gaba fan, and will throw the hugest fit if someone changes the channel when it is on. Whenever Daddy or I walk in the door she runs to us screaming "Dada" or "Daddy." Just this week she finally started calling me "Mama". This is a huge deal as neither of my boys called me mama. Always just Mommy. I love it! I love her. And her brother. So, so very much.

As much as a bitch and moan about the little things, I truly have an amazing husband. A husband who will do all he can to keep me home with our kids. He often goes without to make sure the kids and I don't have to. He cooks us dinner every night, he washes laundry so I don't have to lug the massive amounts to the laundromat on my own. He deals with the bigger, non everyday messes that I hate to acknowledge. He wrestles with our kids, and gives them so many kisses and hugs. He is completely wrapped around our baby girl's little finger, and can often be found with her in his arms when he is trying to do something, as she hates to be away from him when he is home. He gives baths and showers. He is the "good guy" and let's the kids stay up late and gives them snacks I won't before bed. He's the one the let's them play video games with him that I'd rather they not bother with. He's the one that takes them out to different stores all the time. He's the one who cannot wait to hit the park when it is warm enough out. He may get frustrated easily when it comes to Thomas' homework and reading, but he's the one that can get Thomas to do it for me. He kisses me every morning when he first wakes up. Kisses me whenever he leaves or enters the house. Kisses me before he goes to sleep at night. He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful every single day. Though he prefers to sleep on his belly, he sleeps half the night on his back so I can curl up with him each and every night. He get's me books he thinks I would like, though he doesn't understand why I read the "crap" I do. Most importantly of all. He believes in me. He believes I will one day "grow up" and do something I love, career wise. He tells me I am perfect as I am, but supports me in my weight loss goals. I can pick on all the little things he does that drive me up the wall, like leaving dirty socks in the strangest places and opening each and every cabinet door in the kitchen and leaving them open, but isn't that what a husband is supposed to do? Drive their wives a little nutty? I am so very grateful for such an unselfish, caring, considerate, loving man to call my husband.

All in all I have it made. I may not have every material item I want, but I have what I need and more. And even if I had less, I am one hell of a rich woman. I have a home filled with unconditional love and support. I have a family of my own that is...just....well....amazing.

Kisses for Daddy.

It was one hour ago, I put the boys to bed.
It was twenty minutes ago I had posted on Facebook about all three children being asleep.
Apparently one was faking.

Of course, after his 2 hour nap today, bedtime was not going to be that easy.
But, it's okay. He's being cute.

He came slowly tiptoeing out of his bedroom, and over to the couch where my husband lay, and kissed his arm.
Then his shoulder. Then his cheek and forehead.

At this point Daddy was smiling and my two boys were both giggling away. Of course when you laugh at Collin, or any of the kids really, he continues.

After a good 3-5 minutes of Collin kissing Daddy all over, the hubs told him with a huge grin, "That's enough Collin. It's time for bed."

Of course after the attention he was receiving he did not want to go back to bed. Then the kisses for Mommy began.

Of course I tried to kiss him back, and laid a gentle kiss upon his forehead, to which he replied, "No kiss my threehead!"

This kid is just pure awesomeness.

Evil Kitty

When my son chose the only all black kitten out of a litter of all perfectly mixed black and white cats, that looked like cows I did not stop to think about stigma behind black cats. It's just a cat. Right?

Then when he named our new little boy kitten, "Darth Vader" (Vader for short), again I didn't think we were setting up anything negative.

Then we moved. And the cat moved with us. This cat has to be the most evil creature I've ever met.

If you walk by him and his bowl is empty in the kitchen, he strikes. I'm talking, standing on hind legs, swatting and biting anyone who walks by. And I do mean anyone. 

He loves attention, and would prefer if someone were to spend the whole day petting him. Yet, even that has to be on his terms. If you pet too hard, too fast, too slow, stop for a brief moment, he bites. 

For a pet that was supposed to be for my son, the kids all hate him. And he hates the kids. Most of the time. 

Very rarely, he'll play nice with them. Very rarely. 

Anyways...this afternoon while taking some pictures of Bailey, I noticed him sitting still looking out the window. I snapped a few of him, thinking maybe they'd look decent in black and white for a photo contest I was planning on entering.

What I ended up with was not what I began with, but with the nature of Vader, 

I love the way it turned out. 

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Distraction.

I've been struggling so hard the past month and a half. Trying to distract myself with every little thing. Working out, reading, putting on my happy face online and with everyone I speak to. As the weeks have passed, it's becoming harder and harder to distract myself. Just sitting and watching television isn't enough if I have to sit through commercials. Sitting online isn't enough when I take a moment here or there to think. Reading and working out, provides a steady stream of distraction. But I'm flying through books too fast to keep it up. With this depression I have no desire, whatsoever, to leave the house, so exercise isn't quite doing it's job. And the pure laziness I feel when I get like this is keeping me from doing anything much at home.

I have no desire whatsoever to do anything besides the bare minimum. I don't want to leave my bed at all. Yet staying in it is even worse. So I make myself get up before the hubs and go sleep on the couch. It's the only way I've been able to get up and take care of the kids in the morning. The mornings, I stay in bed until they wake I fight the most intense battle. My mind tells me to stay there. Don't worry about anything, just grieve and cry and sleep. My heart reminds me I have three precious children I need to take care of. My heart tells me she wouldn't want me wasting time reliving the past, feeling guilty, feeling angry, feeling that low.

I know things would be easier if I just made myself do things. If I just made myself do the mundane household tasks, play with the children, work with the children, leave the house, things would be easier..

Lovely. Just lovely. As I sit here typing what is so hard for me to get out, so hard to explain, while I fight to get the words out, the song comes on. Her song. Stopped my trying, dead in it's track, mid-word. "Every little thing's gonna be alright."

You see, New Years Eve 2007, just 3 hours before 2008 would begin, I got a call. Nana had a heart attack. We were having a party at our apartment. Since I was just 18 days away from my due date with Collin, I had the only other sober person there come with me to the hospital. On the way there Bob Marley's Three Little Birds came on the radio. I thought nothing of it at the time. Nothing at all. Just a couple days later she had another heart attack. Again, the song came on. Again, it didn't phase me. I hadn't even noticed that I heard it the night of her first one. On January 19th, two days after my sweet Collin was born, I got a call while I was still in the hospital, "Nana's in surgery, her entire colon is being removed, C-dif, not sure if she can pull through with her heart still healing from the bypass." Just a few pieces I remember from the conversation... I called my doctor to rush the   discharge. I needed to get to the other hospital. When I climbed into the car, with my brand new baby boy and my husband, he was turning the radio dial and stopped on the same song. "This is my message to you-ou-ou, saying, don't worry, 'bout a thing"

I was too worried to think much about it still, but it did calm me down enough to stop crying. I never made it to the hospital that day. The song came on a couple more times during my visits to her. On her birthday, February 9th, we left our 3 week old son with a sitter, for the first time. With the c-dif and being in ICU, my boys weren't able to come. Tom and I parked pretty far from the hospital. Just as we were about to get out of the car, it came on. I immediately cried. We were being tossed around with the doctors words. Every other day it seemed we were being told she was strong. Was going to pull through. Every other opposite day we were told she was weaker, and wouldn't. After listening to the song, and crying my eyes out I had the most intense sense of calm. We walked the 8 blocks to the  hospital in silence. That night we were told she would be in the ICU for a couple weeks at most, then moved to a different floor, then moved to a rehabilitation facility, then could come home if she had help. Two days later my entire family made the decision to pull the plug. She was bleeding internally, the pneumonia caused her lungs to be 80% filled with fluid. Her kidneys were failing. All of the machines were living for her. She was in and out of it. While she was "there" she would shake her head no to every question, never opening her eyes. The 11th was such a long day. We had all, except my husband who stayed with my boys, been there with her. The hospital staff didn't dare speak against us for breaking the two visitors at a time rule. Finally a little after two pm it was time. The plug was pulled. We all crowded around her bed. Crying and watching. Struggling to catch her breath.. Finally a very, very close family friend, scratch that, a member of our family, went to her. "It's okay Betty-Girl. Go see Frenchie." She said a few more words, and we all cried more intensely. She looked around the room. Into the eyes of most, if not all of us. And that was it. None of us wanted to leave. I tried so hard that day to remain strong. So strong for my mother. I couldn't, absolutely could not let her see me upset. Finally, after hours I left. As soon as I started my car, it came on again. I laughed. What kind of cruel joke is this? Every thing is not going to be okay. It will never be okay.

The day of her funeral, I was in a daze. I couldn't cry. Nana wouldn't want us to cry over her. She'd much rather us gossip, and be nosy. To laugh at our memories of her. And I did. Well, when we weren't in the car anyway. When leaving the funeral home to head to the church, Bob Marley played on one of the radio stations. When leaving the church for the cemetery, again. When leaving the cemetery, again.

She was never told she had her own special song.

It's been almost three years since her death, and this year has been the worst since it actually happened. Maybe it's because my mind is clearer now than it was the last two years. I don't know. I just know I'm really struggling. This battle is continuing deep in my soul. Half wanting me to give up. To do anything to soothe the pain, even if it causes more in the long run. The other side keeping me from diving into the deep end again. Fighting to keep me strong. Fighting to keep me here for my family. For myself. Fighting to keep me safe from myself. Fortunately, I know that side will win. It's only lost one battle and has gotten strong over the past couple of years. But it doesn't make it any easier to know that I will get through this. It doesn't make it any easier to know things will get better once I start doing things again. Once I start seeing some sun.

All I have to do is remind myself one small thing: "Every little thing, is gonna be alright."

I guess this post turned into a completely different one from what I intended, 

all because this one little song started on the television behind me.

I saw this video for the very first time after arriving home from the funeral. 

This take on the song perfectly shows my view on the song. 

They're growing up.

(warning: sex and drugs as a child mentioned.)

All children grow up. All people grow. It's just harder when it's your children and you weren't the best behaved teen on the block.And neither was your spouse.

So many people think of 11, 12, 13, 14 year olds as very young. Hell, even I think it's young. But is it really so young that it's shocking that kids at these ages think about sex? That kids these ages, think about drinking and getting high? That kids these ages, are actually doing things that would give their parents heart attacks?

I look at my children, especially my daughter and recount my pre-teen and early teen years. I think about how I will kill them or lock them away somewhere far away from the outside world if they even mentioned thinking about the things their father and I were doing at those ages.. But, is that the smart way to think about it? And if talking to my children is the right way to go about this, when is the right time to start? When they are too young to even understand? Or when the thought are already in their heads, and they're already acting on them?

Between 12-14 years old, I had started by giving head to high school boys, running away from home to be with high school boys and 18-25 year old men, shoplifting, drinking, smoking pot, popping pills, having sex, getting pregnant, being locked up in juvenile detention, skipping class, skipping school, getting kicked out of my parents house, and dating a man 7.5 years older than me. The hubs, was still drinking, smoking pot, and went on to snort coke, smoke crack, shooting up heroin, selling firearms to big shit drug dealers, moving from institution to institution.

How do I prevent my children from doing the shit I did? While, yes, my parents are what exposed me to drugs and alcohol, but they didn't introduce me to sex. In fact, when I did ask my mother at 6 years old, "how does a mommy get a baby in her belly?" I was told to go to my room. When I did ask my mother what sex was, I was grounded for a week. Maybe that's what did it to me? Maybe their fear of teaching me about sex, and honoring my body, and acting like it was a sin, was why I became so interested? Maybe, my parents addiction is why I started drinking and smoking weed so young? But how does that explain the hubs? His parents never did any drugs, yet he ended up strung out on dope by 14? How does that happen?

How do I get right and wrong through these kids' heads? How do I make it clear to them, that they can talk to me about anything? How do I get it through to them, that I will not judge or belittle them? That I won't make them feel stupid, or disgusting for asking? And then, how do I teach them to make the right decisions? Especially when both the hubs and I have made such awful ones?

Everyone always has the same answer, just keep talking to them. But how young is too young? When do I start? When I was Thomas' age I was hanging out with boys kissing behind houses. How do I talk to him, when he is still so little?

About a month ago, Thomas came into my room in the middle of the night wanting a drink or something. As like most nights, I was curled up with the hubs, with my head on his chest and my body wrapped around him. When my 5 year old came in, he asked if we were "doing sex". So is now the right time to talk to him about this? The parent in me says it's way too young to even think about starting to talk about these things. Then the still a child part of me, tells me to start talking, while I have my chance.
Back when I was pregnant with Bailey and Thomas asked how she got in my tummy, I explained to him that a man plants a seed inside a women. And that seed grows into a baby. Not a lie, exactly, but still not disturbing details. It was a good enough answer for him. But now the sex thing? When he asked, it was around 2 in the morning. I brought him into the living room, and asked him if he remembered how a baby got into a mommy's belly, which he did. So, I told him that sex was the way a man got the seed into the women, and that married couples have sex for two reasons, to make a baby and to share their love with each other. I don't know if it was the right answer. I don't know if it was too "mature" for him, or too "childish" for him. He seemed pleased with the answer, grabbed some water and went back to bed.

Now, I realize that his asking was just the tip of the iceberg. I have three children who are going to grow. And it is my responsibility to make sure they grow into good, honest, smart, self-confident people. It is my responsibility to teach them right from wrong. It is my responsibility to be the one to answer the embarrassing questions, not to shove them away to learn on their own.

But how, and when do I do this?

Magical.

Fun. Worthwhile. Love-filled. Amazing. Giddy. A few hours I will cherish forever.
All ways I will remember tonight.

Many know I am very anal about bedtime. 8pm is time for the boys to go down, then Bailey and I to cuddle while she nurses, then she goes down. Many nights I stress and get upset as Collin flat out refuses to go to bed, even if he is dead tired. Tonight was one of those nights.


Not too often there is something I have to get done after bedtime, but tonight (last night, as it's after midnight now..) was one of those nights. With Collin's party being tomorrow (today?) and me doing most of the baking myself, I had a lot to accomplish tonight. Normally I'd get upset, beg my husband to get Collin to sleep, and I'd be so flustered I'd screw up everything I needed to do.

Tonight was strangely different. Very welcomed, but different. Instead of bothering my tired husband, who was sound asleep on the couch, I let Collin come help. It may have been the best decision I've made in a very long time. We had so much fun just doing simple tasks. He enjoyed egg cracking. I didn't mind digging eggshells out of bowls. He helped pour, mix, measure. I laughed at his spills. He was in a silly mood, and making silly faces. I was silly as well. He and I both laughed so hard our bellies hurt. With the fits of giggles, and the quality time spent, I don't even mind the huge disaster my kitchen currently is. Collin has been more affectionate than usual lately, and tonight even more so. It seemed like every 5 minutes he was reaching for hugs, randomly planting soft little kisses on my arms and face, and telling me, "I love you Mommy."

It's not too often Collin and I get fun alone time. Our usual alone time is during Bailey's nap while Thomas is in school. We don't usually have anywhere near this much fun. We usually do his speech "homework" or other educational activities he enjoys, like working on learning to read and write the alphabet. Don't get me wrong we have a great time doing those things together but..tonight was so different. It was like there wasn't a care in the world. It was just Collin and I. And with three kids between 1 and 5, those feelings are a bit too rare for my taste.

After tonight (last night..) some things I've known really rang true. Like how it's okay to break the routines and rules sometimes. It's okay to let these kids make a mess. It's okay to let them stay up late every so often for some good old fashioned one on one time. It's okay to let each child believe they're your favorite. It's okay to sometimes take off the parent cap, and enjoy being their friend.

I cannot begin to express how much just baking with my boy tonight has affected me. It's as if I got a whole new glimpse on life. And I cannot wait to start spending more time alone with each of my children.

365 Week Three Recap!-Snapshot Saturday

Yes, Collin is about to turn 3. Three? How did that happen? Crazy to think that the year he was born changed our lives so much. We are still struggling to get back to where we were before his birth, 3 years later.

Photo courtesy of TheUnexpected365.blogspot.com

Small, sweet, Collin has learned such an amazing amount of new things since his last birthday. One year ago, he only pointed and grunted to communicate with us. Six months ago he had a vocab of about 20-30 words. Now?
Just this moment, while sitting here type this I've heard, "No, Mommis (Thomas) it my turn." "I shoot you boss." "I running around." "Stop it." And he is still talking!

We just had Collin's speech eval a couple of weeks ago. He has been receiving speech therapy over the past eight months through our state's Birth to Three program, and it has helped tremendously. The evaluation was to determine if he would qualify for other services after his 3rd birthday. While we still have a long ways to go with his articulation, we are so pleased to say, he no longer needs help. This coming Friday will be Collin's very last speech session. Wow.

We have received the results, and my not quite three year old has the intelligence level of a 54 month old. What? A four and a half year old? My boy? Wow. He does have the articulation of an eighteen month old still though, which is what we need to work on. He cannot make a "k" sound in the beginning of a word and will substitute a "d" sound. He has a frontal lisp, and another "thing" I cannot remember the name of. But he is doing great. Over the next two months we have to work on phonics, letter sounds, pronounciation, all the fun stuff. We have two months to work on this. In two months time, if he has made an expected amount of improvement we will move on to get him ready to start preschool in the fall. Yea, preschool! I cannot believe he is almost old enough for preschool! If he has not made enough of an improvement he will receive speech services while he is at school.

Now, I just mentioned Collin has the intelligence level of a 4.5 year old. I wanted to share a few things Collin has been doing around here. Let me preface by saying, I have not done any drills with him to be able to do these things. Nothing. Like potty training, I've let him lead me, and when I've seen an interest or him beginning to do something, I jump in to help. No sitting at a table doing these things over and over again. Just him starting and me assisting.

A few months ago, Collin had started tracing. He was tracing his name, all 26 letters of the alphabet, numbers 0-9, coloring book pages, everything he could. Two weeks ago, while at the doctors office I wrote the alphabet on the paper that was on the exam table, for him to trace. Instead of tracing, Collin shocked me and wrote the letters underneath my alphabet. Talk about impressed. When we got home and were doing homework with his big brother, Thomas, I wrote his name on our dry erase board for him to look at, and spelled it out a few times, then went back to Thomas. When I looked back over to him, this is what I saw:

(Click to Enlarge to see what Collin was working on.)

Yes, my not-quite-three year old wrote this. Not perfect, one 'L' looks like an 'r', but amazing for his age, especially with his speech history. And H L L O, awfully close to "hello". Yea, I'm a very proud mommy. 

A few days ago, he did the whole alphabet for me, and we went over letter names. 

We got Collin a little workbook for him to do while Thomas does his homework. Just tonight, Collin spent over 30 minutes working on his "homework." The first few pages, where just tracing lines and scribbling. Then he worked on the letters A and B. Here is his "B" page:

I mentioned Collin will be going to preschool. We sent his application for Thomas' school out last week. We are fortunate to have sibling and neighborhood preference, and the pre-k-3 program is a lot easier to get in than pre-k-4 or kindergarten, so we are pretty sure he'll get the spot. It will be full day, 9:15-3:25, 5 days a week. They will instill the same beliefs they are instilling in Thomas, and Collin is already working on reciting the school motto. "Be kind. Be courteous. Always do your best. And always ask for help."

I still can't get over him turning three. I still regret not remembering so much of his 1st year, but I think with this last year, I've made it up to him. Collin and my relationship has changed so much this year. He clearly adores me. He hugs me and kisses me randomly through out the day. He has been known to run out of his room in the middle of the night to come find me to tell me he loves me. And to steal something from the pantry. His imagination is already right up there with his brother, who he loves to play with. And he has even become quite the big brother these past 12 months. He loves to play babies with his little sister, or to help her play with the boys. He is just an all around great kid. 

And boy do I love him. 

365 Week One Recap!

I've mentioned starting a 365 Project, on my new blog, and so far I've stuck with it!
I thought I'd share with you all my first week of 365 photo's!

(Please Click to Enlarge!)

GoodBye 2010

I know I'm a day early and all, but based if my recent blogging habits say anything, it's that I have tons of idea's but haven't been posting. So while it's on my mind, let me write it down.

2010 was a very strange year all and all. We were newly living in a new, tiny apartment. Had a 3 month old baby girl. Dealt with a lay off already lasting way too long. Hubby went back to work. I quit my job. Stayed asleep more than awake for the first four and a half months of the year. Collin started speech therapy. Thomas "graduated" preschool. Bailey learned to crawl. Hubby got laid off again. Thomas started kindergarten. Bailey learned to walk. Hubby went back to work. And Collin only has one speech session left. And we had the very best Christmas ever.

Here are my personal top 10 blog posts from the year:
(All Clickable, links are showing like text....

1. Continuing the Fight
2. While She Eats
3. My Babies
4. Nursing in Public: Women's right or bad taste?
5. Mommy Why? -A Way Back When-sday Post
6. Behind Blue Eyes
7. A Letter From Bailey
8. Sweet Dreams, My loves.
9. Five
10. Us Parents Need To Hug Our Children

This year I have seen my daughter change from a tiny little blob, to an amazing little girl. I've seen my youngest son go from an intelligent little boy who could not express himself with words, to a little boy who always has something to say. I've watched my oldest child go from being pure and innocent to asking questions I'm not quite ready to answer. I've seen my husband suffer and struggle, wanting to just be able to provide his family with the best or to run away in fear of coming up short. My family of 5 is forever changing, growing, and loving. In the beginning of the year I struggled just trying to care for my three children, wondering how I could ever manage. Now, I can't imagine it being any other way.

Please take a moment to reflect on the past year, remember the good, the bad, the love, and the fun. Remember it all. Do all you can to make 2011 the best you can. And remember, to check our my other blog during the new year, where I will try to do a 365 photo project.

And now, I will leave you with my favorite photo's from 2010..

click to enlarge

 

 

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Trick or Treat!

Or as Bailey says, "Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!"

Or Collin, "Wic Oh Eeh!"

Despite heading out later than usual, 

Bags and Buckets were filled to the top.

Despite having to stop early,

And as always Mommy hated to stop! 

Boys had a blast,

Bailey loved it too.

Mommy and Daddy had fun,

And got along too!

"Trick or Treat"

"Thank you & Happy Halloween"

Is what the big kids said ,

with each house we had seen.

Chocolates, Taffies,

Lollipops and gum.

If you don't want Mommy to get them,

Grab the Reese's & run.

More manners seen, 

than any Christmas season.

Something about free candy,

gives everyone reason.

Treats are all sorted,

Kids are in their beds.

Visions of candy

are dancing in their heads.

Now it's Mommy's turn,

And Daddy's turn too.

To go through the candy,

And pick a piece or a few.

  Happy Halloween!  

Week 3

I am in my 3rd week of actively watching my portion sizes and working out. Also started the 3rd week of Couch to 5 K.

After feeling pretty sore all week and pushing through I had a lazy weekend. Meaning I stayed away from the gym, stuck to On-Demand videos and the Wii Fit.

The 5 K was amazing. To see so many people in one place for one cause. I was invited by a friend for a breast cancer walk. With each lap we got faster, ending with a 58 minute walk. (Not counting the time we stopped and waited for the rest of the Edible Arrangement's team.) I am looking forward to trying to do a MS walk in April. I'd love to walk for something that hits close to home.

 I watched my portions all weekend but ate a bunch of crap. I was convinced the scale would be much higher this morning. But it was 2 lbs less! Eight lbs lost since October 6th!

Today was day 1 of the 3rd week for C25K. So hard, pushed through, ran extra 90 seconds! 30 minutes, 1.88 miles hitting the mile mark at 15:20. Between that and the scale going down instead of up, it's been a happy day.

My current mini goal is to have a 10 lb total weight loss by November 6th, my one month mark. I am still struggling with portions. Like instant oatmeal? I usually make 3 packets. I was doing just one for a bit there, but have snuck back up to two. I am still working on the portions with everything else though and doing okay! Heck, Saturday night Thomas and Eddie (nephew) had mini reese's and reese's pieces! I could have snuck out half from each bag, but instead I just stole exactly one portion from each. Tasted oh so good!

Now onto progress pictures (don't mind the grumpy expressions):

Week 2:

 Week 3:

Still going strong!