"The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose."
Sometimes even the most pessimistic person really needs to just stop and smell the roses. Being the "glass is half empty" person I tend to be, I need to remind myself of this. Tonight is one of those nights.
I can sit here and focus on Tom being laid off, yet again. I can focus on the bills and the rent, and our way too small apartment on a run down street. I can focus on all the money I need to come up with to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which all have four cavities. And if you know me, or have been following my blog over the past couple of years, you know I can ramble about pretty much anything.
Instead of rambling and going on and on about the bad, I'm going to take a moment to reflect on the good.
Despite not being to the dentist in 5+ years and having 6 cavities, my teeth aren't bad. I do not need to have any teeth pulled, besides the ones most people need to have done. Despite my glasses breaking, at my own hands, I have a nifty new pair that I was able to buy, and pay for in full, that I absolutely love.
We may not have the largest home, in a decent neighborhood or even a home that we own, but we have a home. We have a roof on our heads. We have a door that locks. We have electricity, heat, and hot water. We have food in the fridge and in the pantry. We have clean clothes, that fit, on our backs and shoes on our feet. We have luxuries like cable television, internet, house and cell phones. Luxuries like video game consoles, toys, books, and movies. Luxuries like gym memberships, a van that fits our family and runs, and more. We are living comfortably.
Most importantly of all, we have love. We have each other. I have a husband and three children who love and cherish me. As I love and cherish them. I have smiles in the morning, and I love you's at night.
My children are so kind and so smart. Yes, all three have their moments, moments I tend to dwell on more often than I should. But they are really good kids.
Thomas is reading and doing basic math! He just learned to tie his shoes as well! Despite being in school now, he still get's jealous if I don't kiss him after kissing his brother and sister. He still asks for kisses and hugs. He tells me he loves me constantly. His new favorite way to do this is to pop out of no where and shout, "Peek a boo; I love you!" Followed by running into my arms for a hug and kiss. He understands what it means to be a big brother, and even though his sister and brother get on his nerves at times, he does all he can to help them, to play with them, to just be there for them. When either of them are upset, hurt, or just plain not getting their way, Thomas is right there. Either by hugging them saying in his sweet baby voice, "don't cry, Thomas got you" or helping them get what they want or need.
Collin's speech has come so far in the past 11.5 months. A boy who had a vocab of grunts and moans, with the occasional "mommy" and "daddy" does not stop talking! And heaven forbid if you do not listen! "'S'cuse me" or "look at my face" he will shout until you do listen. Even if he just wants to say, "We watched that last day". (Last Day-Collin speak for yesterday) Though he does not know what they are, he is writing all 26 upper and lower case letters. He is singing his ABC's finally, and counting to ten. He finally has his colors and shapes down as well. Some people will think, big deal he's three, he should know this stuff; but it is a big deal! He has come so far, and I cannot help but be proud. The boy colors just as well, if not better than his big brother, and loves to do "homework" right next to Thomas as well. He will sit for hours just working in his "Kindergarten basics" book, and figures most things out on his own. He is loving the computer these days, as well as his Leapster 2 and his (bother's) DS. The boy is obsessed with Barney and if he hears any children song he may have heard on Barney, he will shout, "That a Barney song" over and over again until you put it on. We went through a rough few weeks with him refusing to eat meals. We learned he was just upset that Thomas took over most of the conversation at dinner time and he wanted some attention as well. It may mean us feeding him currently, but it's no big deal. He eats and enjoys dinner again, and Mommy truly does not mind. Hell, I enjoy it just as much. His current favorite way to play is by running in and out of the room to kiss Daddy and I in silly places, from our ears to our hands to our feet. He think's it the funniest thing in the world. Personally I just think it's the sweetest.
And Bailey... oh my Bailey. That girl is at my favorite age. Trying so hard to be a big girl, not quite a baby any more, yet still my baby. Though I am sad our nursing relationship is coming to an end, I am beyond proud of her and I for making it 18 months. (Well Saturday will be 18 months.) I still offer at nap and bedtime. And she only nurses for less than a minute or two, but it's hard to move on. We will keep doing this until she flat out refuses. Which is happening more often than I like these days. When she's done with her boo she climbs down and kisses Daddy "ny ny" and waves. As soon as she gets to the door leading out of the living room she blows kisses, then runs for our room. When I lay her in her crib, which she is sleeping in all night long instead of partially cosleeping with me, she tells me ny ny and blows me a kiss. She is stacking blocks and cups and everything else she can. She can now stack all ten of her stacking cups. She is saying between 15-20 words on a regular basis and is showing interest in the potty! She loves to sit on the big ceramic thrown and talk to me. She is a little Diva-in-training these days and is quick to make her preferences known. From picking her own clothes (and her brothers!) to picking which shoes and jacket she leaves the house in. She likes to pick what cup she drinks from and when she has a bath. She will let you know when she wants to play with you, and when she prefers to play alone. She loves music and will dance for as long as she can hear it. She is just like her brothers, and even me as a kid, and loves Barney. I think it's because of all the songs. She also is a huge Yo Gaba Gaba fan, and will throw the hugest fit if someone changes the channel when it is on. Whenever Daddy or I walk in the door she runs to us screaming "Dada" or "Daddy." Just this week she finally started calling me "Mama". This is a huge deal as neither of my boys called me mama. Always just Mommy. I love it! I love her. And her brother. So, so very much.
As much as a bitch and moan about the little things, I truly have an amazing husband. A husband who will do all he can to keep me home with our kids. He often goes without to make sure the kids and I don't have to. He cooks us dinner every night, he washes laundry so I don't have to lug the massive amounts to the laundromat on my own. He deals with the bigger, non everyday messes that I hate to acknowledge. He wrestles with our kids, and gives them so many kisses and hugs. He is completely wrapped around our baby girl's little finger, and can often be found with her in his arms when he is trying to do something, as she hates to be away from him when he is home. He gives baths and showers. He is the "good guy" and let's the kids stay up late and gives them snacks I won't before bed. He's the one the let's them play video games with him that I'd rather they not bother with. He's the one that takes them out to different stores all the time. He's the one who cannot wait to hit the park when it is warm enough out. He may get frustrated easily when it comes to Thomas' homework and reading, but he's the one that can get Thomas to do it for me. He kisses me every morning when he first wakes up. Kisses me whenever he leaves or enters the house. Kisses me before he goes to sleep at night. He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful every single day. Though he prefers to sleep on his belly, he sleeps half the night on his back so I can curl up with him each and every night. He get's me books he thinks I would like, though he doesn't understand why I read the "crap" I do. Most importantly of all. He believes in me. He believes I will one day "grow up" and do something I love, career wise. He tells me I am perfect as I am, but supports me in my weight loss goals. I can pick on all the little things he does that drive me up the wall, like leaving dirty socks in the strangest places and opening each and every cabinet door in the kitchen and leaving them open, but isn't that what a husband is supposed to do? Drive their wives a little nutty? I am so very grateful for such an unselfish, caring, considerate, loving man to call my husband.
All in all I have it made. I may not have every material item I want, but I have what I need and more. And even if I had less, I am one hell of a rich woman. I have a home filled with unconditional love and support. I have a family of my own that is...just....well....amazing.