Happy Birthday Thomas.

Happy 4th birthday my sweet baby boy. You are no longer a baby, but you will always be in my eyes.

That's right. My Thomas turns 4 today. Four years ago, I woke up unsure that it was time. Finally I realized it was in fact time and off to the hospital I went. After a few hours of labor, and 45 minutes of pushing, out he came at 2:43 p.m. on Tuesday September 6th. He was this little defenseless being who relied on me for everything. Without me, he would never have survived. Without an adult, no newborn can survive. He needed me to keep him fed, changed and clean. He needed me to teach him to be a person.

Now.. Now he is 4 years old. He can speak his needs on his own. He no longer needs someone to figure out what it is he needs. When he is hungry or thirsty he either helps himself or gets me to help him out. He no longer needs to wait for me to figure it out. When he is dirty, he will run to the restroom and wash up himself. Or he will tell me he needs a shower, "because his feet are dirty" and then proceed to wash himself. He no longer needs me to rock him to sleep. He can now tell me he is tired, go into his room, climb into bed himself and fall asleep. He no longer needs me to tell him it's time to start the day. He gets up on his own and tell me now. He will no longer rely on me to teach him everything he will ever need to know. On Wednesday, he starts his school career and will now have other adults to teach and guide him.

I am not ready to let go and let him start being on his own. Yes, I know it is only preschool and it is only 7.5 hours a week, but this is a new beginning. This is the start of him having his own life. A life not including myself or his Daddy.

No I do not want to shelter him from the world and everything in it, but I am not ready to let him see it yet either.

It is time for me to realize my baby is no longer a baby and is now in fact a child ready to fly on his own a bit. At least for now, it will only be him fluttering around the nest and not leaving for good anytime soon.

I love this boy so much. Happy 4th Birthday Thomas.