I have a dream

..to in the near future have my own home. A home with enough space to raise my family and be content in our space. A home with a fenced in yard large enough for my children to play & to entertain cook outs and birthday parties. A home in a neighborhood where I can take my children for walks and not have to overly stress about them being hit by a car. A home in a family friendly neighborhood. A home close to shopping, dining, & playgrounds. A home in a good school district. A home no more than 20 minutes from the beach. A home with a 2nd apartment for my parents so I can help my mother out when needed.

I saw my home today. I know we won't get it, but a girl can dream right?



The downstairs is a kitchen, full bath, W/D hook-up, living and bedroom, also has a mud room. Perfect for my parents.

Huge fenced in backyard. Perfect for my children. Large enough for Thomas' birthday parties which usually have 60-75 people in attendance.
Landscaping is beautiful.

Now the main part of the house. There is a bedroom w/ handicapped bathroom, which would be my brothers, if we were to ever get this, and my mom would come up to use it if she would come up to use it, if she was having leg trouble.

Open floor plan with kitchen, living room, dining room and dinette area. We would use the dinette area for the kitchen table and use the dining room as a den/playroom. The living room has built in shelving around the fireplace. With a cable hook-up and electrical outlet above the mantle.

Beautiful, brand new stacking W/D.

Three bedrooms upstairs, but not upstairs. There are literally 6 steps to the upstairs. Two bedrooms are connected by a bi-fold door. Perfect for a nursery connected to mommy and daddy's room. Each bedroom has a decent sized closet. Plus a linen and storage closet in between the bedrooms and bathroom.

The bathroom is perfect. Room for a little box, hamper, and toy chest for all the bath toys.



If we were to get this home, my parents, my brother, and my husband & and I would all have our own entrances. And the best part is we would be living with my parents providing my mother the care she needs, yet not living together as we would have our own living space.


Now it's time to stop dreaming. My father is calling the realtor on Tuesday on his morning break. Yet, I know this is not going to happen. Things like this don't happen to me. The two times I have lived in a perfect home to raise a family I literally got fucked out of the home.

But a wife and mommy can dream! Right?

ETA: Here is the house: http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/75-Fallon-Dr-North-Haven-CT-06473/58939610_zpid/

Wordless Wednesday

I know the title is Wordless Wednesday, but these photo's need an explanation. These are both the hats the hospital staff gave each boy just moments after their birth.

Also, the necklace on Collin is one he made himself. At his 1st speech therapy appointment. He only takes it off at bedtime and bathtime. Aren't they sweet?

Snapshot Saturday

Back on the Wagon!

I weighed in at 182 lbs yesterday at the gym. 32 lbs more than where I was a year ago. Devastating. Sad part is the one way I know how to rid myself of the extra baggage I can't turn to. I cannot do dope, though last time it had me drop 30 lbs in 3 weeks. So I have to do this the hard way. The right way!

I finished off the last of the Reese's last night. I will no longer drink 2-4 Strawberry Banana Vivanno's daily. I will get to the gym at least 2-3x a week. I will do this. I can do this.

Yesterday I kicked ass at the gym. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, I've never done that before! And I was moving pretty fast, sweat was literally pouring off of me after just 2-3 minutes! I did a total of 30 minutes on the weight machines as well. I am feeling it today. Especially my calf's, inner thigh's, abs. and triceps. They are all super sore! I wanna go back tonight!

I need to stay motivated. Unfortunately my loving husband is not helping out in this department, he's all, "uh huh, I've heard this all before." And, "I'll believe it when I see it!"

Can I get some much needed words of encouragement? Some motivation?

Wordless Wednesday

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Trying something new this Tuesday and since I can be really random anyways... why the hell not?



-I really need to get my boys out of this bad habit of having a snack at bedtime my hubby started. They are gonna rot their teeth out..

-Today sucked. I was trapped in the house all day, except when I ran to Wal*Mart for 10 minutes to get Reese's.

-This Reese's obsession needs to end. No wonder I can't lose weight.

-Speaking of addictions, I was totally jonesing for a Strawberry Banana Vivanno today. 1st day in weeks w/o one!

-I gotta get off the computer and watch 19 kids and counting before I hit the sack.

-Before I do that I gotta grab my Reese's from the kitchen.

-I totally didn't get a chance to watch One Life To Live today. Crap, I'll have to watch before bed or in the morning.

-Time totally flies when I am on the computer, I swear it was just 8:30...

-I gotta get up at 5 am tomorrow morning, I should really go to bed.

While she eats.

Sometimes while I nurse my daughter, I just stare in awe. I stroke her cheek, rub her head, and hold her little hand. Some days, like today, she is wearing a regular t-shirt and I can see her little tummy. I caress it with my fingers, and stare at her little belly button. If you look closely, you can see where exactly the two arteries and one vein once were.

This afternoon, I sat, for at least a half hour with Bailey upon my breast, just staring in amazement of what she is. I began staring at her little belly button, and just spent the entire time deep in thought about how much that tiny little spot on her body means. That is where the umbilical cord entered. Without it, she would not be. The cord that entered her body gave her life, from me. Gave her blood, nutrients, and oxygen, all from me.

At some point during this feeding I had realized she had fallen asleep, as she usually does at this time of day. I just held her, again, as usual. Most days I complain, see my precious baby girl will not sleep during the day unless it is in the car or my arms. Most days this bothers me. Not today. Today, I just held on tight. Just stared at my baby girl. Just ran my fingers over her little body. Enjoying each and every second. One day, not too far away, she will be to old to sleep in my arms like this, with her face nuzzled against my breast, her hand in mine. And I will miss it.

I will treasure moments like these for a lifetime. And more.

Snapshot Saturday

Speech Therapy has begun!

Copied from my blog
My little Collin had his 1st speech therapy appt that focused on him instead of me filling out forms and answering questions. He played with the therapist's I Phone, which was showed pictures of animals, said the name and made the animal sound. Collin was supposed to ask for more, either by saying or signing the word. He repeatedly signed more. Then he played 'stop' game while coloring, he drew circle scribbles and when the therapist said stop he had to stop. He followed directions perfectly. Then he was able to put animal stickers on the paper, again asking for more. He signed more every single time and was saying please (meez) as well. So proud he has learned this word. Then he made a necklace. He basically 'sewed' the foam pieces onto the string with a plastic sewing needle. Again every time he wanted another piece he had to sign more. My amazing baby boy started SAYING more (mo) while signing it! OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I cannot believe he picked up a word after 30 minutes of playing with this lady! I actually started tearing up, I was so proud.

I cannot wait until my son can express he needs and wants and whatever else his little heart desires to me. <3

Wordless Wednesday