This blog will be about the trials and triumphs of getting through a pregnancy, with severe depression, an addiction, and a struggle on life.
See this past year has been a difficult year. Starting with my Nana's heart attack. Followed by my son Collin's birth. Followed by a life or death colonectomy on Nana, followed by difficulties breastfeeding, followed by, Nana's stay on life support, followed by the start of post pardum depression, followed by Nana's death. Then came a suicide attempt, a stay in a psych ward, severe depression, and border-line bipolar disorder. Which led to the loss of a home, credit, and every once of dignity earned over the years. Lastly came the heroin addiction.
On September 17th, 2007 I decided, if I kept on this path, it would start to affect my childrens lives. I could not let that happen. I began the methadone program. I went up to 65 mg, and since have dropped to 25 mg. I have been on quite a few different anti-depressants and mood stablizers.
This was thought to be the end of the year for me. And when I was healed a bit, I would be able to start fresh.
Fast Forward to this month. I swore up and down '09 would be my new beginning. My fresh start. My re-birth.
Boy oh boy I was right!
On Jan 21st I took a digital home pregnancy test, after realizing I was 6 days late.
It said "not pregnant."
I ejected the stick and saw:
I was told to ignore it. That always happens with digi tests.
A few days later I see..
What a way to start a new life? A new beginning? A fresh start?
Unfortunetly, I was not too thrilled when I saw this result. In fact, I still am scared beyond belief. With this blog I will get through this. With the support of my OB-GYN, my methadone counselor and my mommies on Justmommies, I will make it through. And this will be amazing!
Tomarrow I will add, my 1st two belly photos, and an ultrasound photo, as tomarrow is my 1st ultrasound.
Oh! And I cannot believe I forgot this! I will be 7 weeks tomarrow and am due September 22nd, 2009.