The Unexpected: Damn head games.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Damn head games.

I am worse than a little girl with a celebrity crush sometimes. I meet a guy, or a guy I already know begins to pay me a bit of attention and I start feeling all mushy about him. I say it is like a celeb crush, because I know I cannot act on it. I know nothing will ever come from it. I know I am happily in love with my husband. Yes, after 9 years he still lights my fire. But lately, so is this guy. Man, what I would do to have one night where I am single. Or just a few hours.. Actually.. I wouldn't do anything to have a few single hours. Why? Because I am happy with my relationship. I am happy being married. I am happy with who my husband is. And I would not change a damn thing. For now, I will enjoy knowing another man finds me interesting and attractive, especially now when I feel my worst. I will enjoy his flirtatious comments, gestures, and smiles. I will even think about him and what could be. Hell, I might even flirt back a tad bit. But risk my marriage? My over all happiness? My family? No way in hell.

All because I already have the most amazing man in the world, who makes me feel like a super model millionaire, even when I am big and pregnant, and a miserably unhappy person.

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I am Nicole. I am a 24 year old SAHM to three wonderful children, Thomas, Collin, & Bailey. I am very happily married to the love of my life, Tom. Tom is 7.5 years older than me, but some how we were meant to be. We started dating sometime between March and May of 2000 and were married on May 7th, 2005. We are both recovering heroin addicts. I am attempting and struggling to lose weight. I wish it were baby weight but it's not. It doesn't help I have a terrible addiction to smoothies, ice cream, and Reese's.

This is my oldest son Thomas. He is 5. He started kindergarten this year. If he isn't in school, he is wanting to play video games. And if he isn't playing video games, it's because I got on his case. He loves learning. He loves imaginative play. And he still loves his mommy. And still gives kisses and hugs in public. Our only problem is his constant whining. And I mean constant. Speaking of, if anyone has any ideas to stop the whining, I'd be very grateful. Ignoring the whining is just not working.

My once silent little 2 year old. Though he is in speech therapy, and not everyone can understand him, he is the sweetest little boy. Until you tick him off. He has quite the little temper. He is a very independent little boy, usually found playing by himself. Every thing needs to be on his terms or you will get an earful. Even with his temper and his need for everything to be his way, he will stop whatever he is doing if someone is crying, hurt, or sad. He will come and offer kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter.

My one year old baby girl. This girl is the funniest to those she is comfortable and seems like such high maintenance to those she doesn't see as often. Almost anything can get her lip to quiver and tears to fall. Even being as sensitive as she is, she loves to giggle and play. She is always stealing phones to say "'lo" and "buh" or the remote to switch channels anytime someone is paying more attention to the television than her. There are so many little things about her I love, but she hasn't quite found her place yet. My favorite time of day with her is right before nap time and when she does wake during the night to nurse. There is something about still breastfeeding her that makes me still feel she is an infant, instead of a toddling child.