Thursday, July 30, 2009

Pain. Earth shattering, mind-blowing pain.

Around 5:30ish this morning I woke up in the worst pain of my life. I am talking breath-taken, body crushing pain that just prevents you from doing anything but curling up in the fetal position and screaming in pain. It was like someone was standing on my uterus, while it was being stretched and pounded like pizza dough. This intense pain was so bad, all I kept thinking to myself was, "How did I labor for so long at home with Thomas? How did I go out to eat while in labor with Collin? How in the world did I give birth to Collin without any drugs at all?!" I was/am seriously doubting my ability naturally birth Bailey. I mean, if I can't even deal with supposedly normal pregnancy cramping, how in the world can I get through labor and delivery? Darn it, I needed that epidural this morning!

I strangely thought it was because I had to pee so bad, so I dragged my screaming pain filled self to the bath room, yet it hurt just to sit, hurt to pee, hurt to get up. Walking back to the bedroom I was still in pain, yet it wasn't as bad as it was while I was in the bathroom. It finally went away after a total of about 3-4 minutes.
Then about 5 minutes later, this excruciating pain comes back. Again I am screaming in pain. Now Tom is worried, asking if it is the gas pains I have been dealing with for a few weeks or a contraction or what. He didn't know if he should hold me, touch me, talk to me, ignore me, what. After about 2-3 minutes gone again.
Then scaring the crap out of Tom and myself, returned again 5 minutes later, accompanied by the intense urge to vomit. A feeling I am quite used to at this point. Yet, this is the very first time I have actually gotten sick first thing in the morning, despite the term morning sickness. This time, since I had to vomit while in so much pain I had to sit up, hunched over my best friend in the world, my puke bucket. It was the only position I found to help alleviate the pain. After about 2 minutes of the pain, it went away. I finally stopped throwing up, not that there was anything in me to come up. I was so afraid of laying back down. Afraid for my life, my daughter's life. Yes, the pain was that bad!
Now like clock-work, the intense cramping pain comes back. I scream again while tears stream down my face. Should I call the doctor? Should I wait? If I do call the doctor will it go away the minute I get off the phone with him, like every other time? This "contraction" or whatever it was was the easiest to get through. It only lasted about a minute.
I sat up on the side of my bed hunched over for nearly ten minutes awaiting another burst of pain. It didn't come.

I finally gained the courage to lay back down, petrified that I would have another since they were worse when I was horizontal. They didn't return, thank goodness!
I went back to sleep until about 10:45 when I was awoken by another sharp mind blowing pain, fortunately it wasn't as bad at earlier this morning. I had about 3 of these pains between 10:45-11:20ish.
And now, just as I started typing this, I have another one, so about 15 minutes ago. Just the one.. Nothing since.

All I ask for is one week without anything to worry about regarding this pregnancy. Between not even knowing I was pregnant at first. Not being able to find a heart beat. Then cranial cysts. Morning sickness so bad they were contemplating hospitalizing me. Constipation so bad I would go 1-3 weeks with out a bowel movement. Intense cramping like today, where I thought I was losing her between 16-20 weeks. Daily braxton hicks contractions. Spotting...

Please Bailey, let me go through the rest of this pregnancy pain and problem free. Please.
Is this a sign of whats to come? Am I going to be stuck with a daughter who gets pleasure out of frightening her mommy? Am I going to be stuck with a daughter who behaves like I did?

1 comment:

  1. :hugs: Nicole. Tell Bailey to give momma a break.



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