The Unexpected: No where to turn.

Friday, June 25, 2010

No where to turn.

This totally stinks right now. I need to vent. I know me. If I keep shit bottled in too long, the person I become is not so nice. I become angry, depressed, sulky, and bitchy. My children do not need that version of mommy.

They need the mommy who gets down on the floor and plays action figures or blocks. They need the mommy who cuddles up on the couch to watch movies, cartoons, or read a ~~few~~ ton of books. The mommy who sits at the kitchen table for hours on end, coloring, painting, working on words and ABC's. The mommy who kisses boo boo's and fights off scary birds in the middle of the night that aren't even there.

Yet, now I have no where to vent. My usual three are not available right now. My BFF is away for the weekend, and while I could call her cell, I don't want to be a burden. My husband and I aren't really on good terms at the moment. Then my trusty blog, facebook, and JM. Don't want to even bother bitching and moaning about that other than the fact things I have said, to those who were supposed to be a "(former) support team" ... don't know how to label is as they weren't really "friends", have been turned against me.

So now I am stuck. Stuck with all these thoughts from this evening in my head. No where to speak them. No way to get them off my chest and out of my mind.

Tonight I will suffer. But tomorrow, I speak.

1 comment:

TrishJune 25, 2010 at 9:35 PM
:( Big hugs!
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I am Nicole. I am a 24 year old SAHM to three wonderful children, Thomas, Collin, & Bailey. I am very happily married to the love of my life, Tom. Tom is 7.5 years older than me, but some how we were meant to be. We started dating sometime between March and May of 2000 and were married on May 7th, 2005. We are both recovering heroin addicts. I am attempting and struggling to lose weight. I wish it were baby weight but it's not. It doesn't help I have a terrible addiction to smoothies, ice cream, and Reese's.

This is my oldest son Thomas. He is 5. He started kindergarten this year. If he isn't in school, he is wanting to play video games. And if he isn't playing video games, it's because I got on his case. He loves learning. He loves imaginative play. And he still loves his mommy. And still gives kisses and hugs in public. Our only problem is his constant whining. And I mean constant. Speaking of, if anyone has any ideas to stop the whining, I'd be very grateful. Ignoring the whining is just not working.

My once silent little 2 year old. Though he is in speech therapy, and not everyone can understand him, he is the sweetest little boy. Until you tick him off. He has quite the little temper. He is a very independent little boy, usually found playing by himself. Every thing needs to be on his terms or you will get an earful. Even with his temper and his need for everything to be his way, he will stop whatever he is doing if someone is crying, hurt, or sad. He will come and offer kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter.

My one year old baby girl. This girl is the funniest to those she is comfortable and seems like such high maintenance to those she doesn't see as often. Almost anything can get her lip to quiver and tears to fall. Even being as sensitive as she is, she loves to giggle and play. She is always stealing phones to say "'lo" and "buh" or the remote to switch channels anytime someone is paying more attention to the television than her. There are so many little things about her I love, but she hasn't quite found her place yet. My favorite time of day with her is right before nap time and when she does wake during the night to nurse. There is something about still breastfeeding her that makes me still feel she is an infant, instead of a toddling child.