Homemade Wreath

Thanks to a challenge on Justmommies, I had to spend some time doing arts and crafts with the boys this weekend, well with Collin technically.

The boys and I were going to do the hand turkeys, but on our family walk we found some good lookin' pine cones. Yep I check out pine cones, ya gotta problem with that?

Next I had to come up with something to do with them and Thomas decided we should make a circle to hang on the door like other people have

The boys & I painted the pine cones red and green:



Then we all went outside and clipped some branches off the bush out front.
I tied it all on a metal hanger Tom shaped into a circle for us.
And here is the finished project:

Santa Already?

Bailey could care less, Collin was petrified, & Thomas.. he wants presents now!
Collin refused to set one foot near Santa, in fact screamed before and after this was snapped. I had to hold him to get this photo taken.


I guess Santa at the mall is out this year?

Thomas' 1st School Pictures, plus..

Thomas had his 1st school picture taken on October 21st. In addition to the regular school portrait they also did sibling pictures. We got a photo of the three kids for the 1st time together in a portrait.

(Click to zoom)

Wordless Wednesday

Babywearing

I have always loved the idea of baby wearing, from the time I had Thomas, but just couldn't get into it. I think I wore him a handful of times in his snugli front carrier

With Collin, I wore him every time we went grocery shopping until he could sit up in the cart himself, and when going for family walks. So until he was 11 months old. Again in the snugli front carrier.

Now this time, it is much harder. Three kids are impossible in the grocery store, especially since Collin needs the seat in the cart. So I am wearing Bailey. I started with the snugli but she doesn't hold her head well enough for it. We went to the sling. I hate it. It looks sooo uncomfortable. I was then given a Moby Wrap from a good friend on Justmommies. I love it so much! Not only can I get things done while wearing her, but I can nurse her at the same time! Who knew how convenient it would be to feed hands free? I can get laundry folded unload/load the dishwasher, do anything! (Accept bend down and get up with ease, but I hear it gets better.)

I love wearing my baby girl and keeping her close <3

Photo Of The Moment

Picture of the Moment->> ((POTM))

Girl Scouts Tag-A-Long(R) Smoothie

MMM! I have been a smoothie whore for the past three weeks or so and am currently out of yogurt so I went scouring the web for something new and came across this PB Smoothie Recipe:

1 banana
3 tbsp. PB (smooth or crunchy) -I chose crunchy
2 tbsp choc. syrup
1 cup milk
ice (enough to get whatever texture you want, I did 6 cubes)

I decided since I had girl scout cookies to add a row (5 cookies) of tag-a-longs to mine. Wow! You have gotta like peanut butter a lot to enjoy this but my goodness, it is yummy! SOOOO creamy and peanut butter-y! I love it. Also, added 1/2 cup of uncooked old fashioned oatmeal to give it texture since it was so creamy lol

Off to enjoy the rest.

Just FYI, I have been enjoying 2 smoothies per day as replacements for breakfast and lunch as a way to get in calories for breastfeeding and making sure they are healthy calories for the most part (not so much with adding 2.5 servings of cookies lol)

5 wk portraits

Click Here!
(photos to come to post in AM!)

Motivation, Planning, & Routine

Motivation: Is my flabby bulging tummy, fat arms, thunder thighs, and my jeans that are tighter now than one week post-partum.

Plan: Eat right and exercise

Routine: I have no idea! Anyone have any suggestions on healthy ways for a busy, nursing mommy to lose weight?

I know I have to diet w/o cutting calories. I cannot focus on calories, I just have to stop eating junk and start making healthy choices. I need to stop eating a whole Halloween bag of Reese's, I should have PB on wheat crackers or toast.

As for exercise, I plan on hitting the gym eventually as my cousin's guest as he told me I could. It's getting the courage to go there. For now I have walking and the Wii. I have Wii fit, which I plan on doing the balancing, yoga, and areobic's to work on my posture and flexibility; and Gold's Gym Cardio Workout, which I plan on using to burn kcal's. It is all boxing which is awesome to get out my frustration in a healthy manner. I also plan on doing yoga a few times a week in the early morning or before bed or both.

I need to figure out how to do all this without jeopardizing my nursing relationship with my baby girl, and I will!

Lady Bailey: One Month

Miss Bailey Grace is one whole month old today. I know I have been a complete slacker here. When I named this blog "The Unexpected" I really had no clue it would relate to more than just my pregnancy. Having a girl is so different than a boy. Bailey is still such a newborn. We find out her weight tomorrow. Just a week ago tomorrow, she still was yet to get back to her birth weight. She is still in her newborn clothes and diapers. She is mostly breastfeeding. When she is finished with 2 or 3 feeding during the evening, I will give her 2 oz of expressed breast milk or formula. If I was able to pump more, I would be able to cut out formula. I hate giving it to her. Her pediatrician was not happy she was still 3 oz away from her birth weight at 3w4d. She is sleeping through the night depending on what time I get up for the day. (8/9m-4:30/5a) Then back to sleep until about 7, then quiet and content until whatever time everyone leaves the bed.

Before kids, I never wanted to breast feed, was so against baby wearing and co-sleeping. Now, Bailey joins us when she wakes in the early morning. I already mentioned her eating. And, every time we leave the house, minus a couple family walks, she is in the Moby Wrap (Thanks to my JM friend Gillian. When I am too lazy to put it on or it isn't already on and we are going for a quick trip, I will use "The Peanut Shell" sling. And even Tom is getting into this attached parenting. He wears her in the snugli (Kinda like the evenflo carriers).

Her Brother's love her. Both are always asking to hold her. Collin doesn't understand he can't pick her up himself and keeps trying. It is sweet. Both boys randomly go and kiss her. Thomas is always calling her "pretty girl." Tom calls her Baby Bailey, and I call her Lady Bailey or Miss Bailey.


Bailey has rolled over twice so far. And has been to the grocery store, the playground, a birthday party, and on more walks than I can count. Saturday she even went trick or treating. Tom was showing her off to everyone. Taking her up to almost everyones door. He was so proud of his "4 week old bat girl."


I will leave you for now, with a promise to be back to normal posting soon. I really need to revamp this blog again and get back to the regularly scheduled programing.

And I will also leave you with my two favorite photos of Lady Bailey.

The birth of Bailey Grace M.

(Warning: Extremely long.)

On Friday, October 2nd, 2009 I had woken up in a kinda down state of mind. Upset that on the day before my due date, I was still not in labor. I had a 10:15 non-stress appointment, and nothing else going on. Through out the morning leading up to my appointment I had felt as if my water was leaking, I was leaking urine, or I was leaking a heck of a lot more discharge than normal. On the ride up to Milford, I had two or three contractions, nothing new, they were actually a heck of a lot more mild than what I had been used to for the past however many weeks.

While at the OB office, I mentioned my leakage and we scheduled an additional appt. for noon since that was when the on call OB, Dr. F, would be available. The non-stress test was perfect. Baby Bailey moved enough for it to only last 15 minutes. during that 15 minutes I had two contractions. Again super, super mild. At this point Tom had started to mess with my head. Telling me it was the day. We drove home to get Collin and back to the OB office by noon. I was contracting every 7-15 minutes and they were so painless it was strangely awkward. Because they were coming so sporadically and were so painless I just knew it was just braxton hicks contractions. Dr. F. checked me and I wasn't leaking, just had a "normal increase in vaginal mucosa." While down there he also checked my cervix. Just like my regular OB had said on Tuesday, 1 cm, 50%, extremely soft, and very high. Tom told Dr. F. that we would be calling him later that afternoon or early evening. Told him I was indeed in labor and in denial. The doc laughed him off, as did I.

We took off to grab lunch, Taco Bell-another online myth to start labor. We came home and I ate, still contracting super mildly. Contractions where steadily coming every 7-9 minutes. Tom went to pick up Thomas from school.

3:05 p.m. We decided to go for our daily, hour long family walk. Collin got in his "car," Thomas on his bike and off we went.

As we walked I would have a contraction, I would mention it to Tom but kept walking and talking through it. After a few minutes I would either say I was having another or would say "it's been a while since I had one," then immediately have one right then. By the time we got back to our block I was getting really aggravated with Tom. He was singing "Going to the hospital" instead of "Going to the chapel." Though the contractions where now 5-7 minutes apart and finally at the point where I had to stop every thing and get into a squatting position. Four houses from ours, a neighbor saw me squatting and breathing through the pain and offered a ride home, which I denied and laughed about.

4:04 p.m. I started timing the contractions on paper. Tom shaved, showered and got dressed. We packed the boys some clothes. I called my father to make sure he was ready to go to the hospital to take care of the boys when they couldn't be in the room with me. I showered and shaved, and painted my toes while breathing through the pain.

5:00 p.m. I called the OB office. The answering service of course picked up and took my name, 411, and phone number.

5:15 p.m. We were out the door, still waiting for Dr. F to return my call. I called the office again and told them he had not called back and I was heading to the hospital. The 30 minute drive to the hospital was hell and not even because of the contractions! But because Tom was rushing. I swear instead of breathing I was screaming slow down..

5:45 p.m.We arrived at the hospital 105 minutes after I admitted to being in labor. We went to registration to get my bracelet and to check in. I could have killed the lady there. She called L&D and actually had the balls to say to them that she didn't think I wasn't really in labor. I can't help it if I try my hardest to not let people see me in pain. Thank goodness this wasn't like with Collin and Thomas with contractions every 2-3 minutes upon arrival. At this point my contractions were extremely steady at 6-7 minutes apart.

5:56 p.m. We get up to the childbirth center and immediately I am handed my lovely gown. My parents arrived 5 minutes later to take the boys. This was it. I was going to meet my little girl in a few hours. I was actually starting to panic at this point. I had been trying so hard to get her out and now I was petrified of meeting her. Afraid of how exactly the methadone would affect her.

At this point I was in pain. Obviously. So I told the nurses and my husband, while I am contraction to not under any circumstance talk to me or touch me. I told He is to be at my side, hand in mine, while I got through them.

I was then asked to get into bed so they could hook me up to the monitors and check my cervix. Through out this time I had been randomly tweeting about everything that was going on.

(Look at left hand, see phone.)

6:21 I was 5-6 cm dilated. The nurse couldn't find my cervix at 1st it was so high up. After being told where I was, I immediately asked for the epidural despite Tom's protest and telling me I could do without. Yes, I wanted a natural birth since based on my experience it is an easier recovery than with the epidural. Oh freaking well! I agree I could have gone with out it, especially since my contractions were still steadily coming every 6-7 minutes. Downfall is they would last 2.5-3 minutes each. I thought they were long, but when the nurses told me they were lasting that long....I freaked.

7:07 p.m. checked again. 7 c.m. and totally discouraged I am not closer to 10, especially since I went from 4-10 in 45 minutes with Collin.. The anesthesiologist came, explained all the facts, side effects, risks, etc. I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted relief. He couldn't believe how much pain I claimed to be in, since I hadn't had a contraction yet while he was in the room. He started to administer it, and got as far as the numbing stuff and the catheter in when a contraction struck. He could not believe how long it had last. He and my nurse kept talking about how they never seen a woman have a contraction last as long as this one. It lasted over 4 minutes according to the monitor and was off the charts.

8:13 p.m. Finally he was able to finish. Unfortunately he went a bit to the left and I had a small window where it didn't take on the right side. It felt like a runners cramp when I had a contractions so I was totally fine with it. Tom went to check on the boys and to go to the vending machines to find them snacks for dinner since we managed to forget to feed them or bring something for them.

The kids, my parents, and shockingly my mother in law came in the room (When she got there I don't know, but I could not believe she was there. She had never came to the hospital to see me or my kids.) My boys where awesome, so excited about their sister coming.

8:43 p.m. The nurse went to check me, and without touching me, she told me she could see my daughter's head. She actually asked if they were sure of my due date since based on the amount of vernix. I didn't believe her so and couldn't see myself so....using my cell phone I snapped a photo. She was right. I could not believe it. It looked like I had a really really bad yeast infection inside my hoo-ha. I immediately freaked, thinking she was just going to slip out since I had no feeling whatsoever down there. I was petrified Tom was not going to make it back to the room in time. Within two minutes the nurse disassembled my bed, Tom entered the room, we told him it was time, and he got the camera's and baby book ready.

8:49 p.m. Everyone got into position I was told to give a slight push so they could get an idea of how long it would take. I did as told and everyone in the room gave quick estimates on when she would be born. Tom was closest with a guess of 8:55, I was the furthest, based on the fact that during the test push I could not feel myself pushing and felt as if I had just strained my face instead of pushed, I guess 9:30ish.

8:50 p.m. Began pushing. "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10; 1..2..3..4..5..6..7"

8:51 p.m. Dr. F, Tom and the nurse began screaming at me to stop. I was thinking the absolute worst. Something had to have been wrong. Why would they stop counting at 7 and tell me to stop. It had to be something seriously obvious if Tom was telling me to stop as well. What could be wrong that he knows?

She was out! Counting the test push she was out in 3 pushes. I had not felt the "ring of fire" of her head coming out. I didn't feel the intense urge to push the rest of her body out. I did not feel her come out even in the slightest bit. Thank you epidural!

Tom cut her cord and Bailey was placed on my belly. Though she was covered in the most cheesy goo I had every seen, I could not believe how beautiful she was. At that point, I could not believe she wasn't identical to the boys. I could not believe my eyes. She is here. She is mine. She is my daughter.

After things settled down from her birth, Tom and I just stared at her in amazement. I nursed her within the hour of her birth and she latched right on and nursed for just over 30 minutes total. It was beautiful. Tom held her and stared into her eyes with awe. He had his little girl. Being as he was not there for his eldest child this was very hard for him. Bittersweet. My boys love her more than I expected. Especially Collin. Again, just like with Thomas when he was born, I was expecting fits of jealousy. I was expecting him to have total dislike for Bailey. Instead he constantly wants to hold her, feed her, burp her, change her, and give her the bink. Thomas as well. I am nursing her then pumping and giving her whatever I pumped by bottle. Thomas does most of those feedings. I think he loves feeding her more than most parents enjoy feeding their kids.

Looking back at the 1st week, I cannot believe it has already come and gone. Yet, during that week, it felt as if it dragged on forever. Bailey stayed in the hospital 7 long days. We got very lucky and she was able to stay in Milford Hospital the entire time. She needed no medical intervention to help with the withdrawal at all. Only thing she needed was extra cuddles. Her symptoms where minor, yet plentiful. Watery stool, increased respirations (more than 60 breaths/min), nasal stuffiness, excessive & continuous high pitched cry, sleeping less than 1 hr after feedings, mild tremors when disturbed, fever, frequent sneezing (more than 4-5 times/interval), excessive sucking, poor feeding after the 1st 24 hours (especially when nursing) were the signs she was showing.

The nurses all loved her, instead of letting her fuss in her bassinet in the nursery they held her almost every moment I wasn't able to be with her. Every time I walked into the Mat. ward I would walk in on a nurse sitting behind the nursing station doing their work with Bailey in their arms. It was sweet. The hospital was super kind, after I was discharged on Sunday they moved me out of my L&D room and into a smaller room for mommies whose babies aren't able to come home right away. They only have 2 of these rooms, so I was greatful Bailey was the only baby whose mommy wasn't a patient. They also provided me with snacks, drinks, and 3 meals a day. The entire staff was amazing.

Bailey came home Friday, and has mostly slept since then. It seems she is the complete opposite of Thomas and Collin. She is very rarely just awake. Always wanting to eat when she is awake. And if not eating she is screaming. Mostly though she just sleeps. Especially from 7 until whatever time I decide to head to bed. I am so in love with my little screaming monster. I love being a mommy to a little girl. She is just so beautiful and sweet. I love her with my entire being. With everything I am. And more.

I guess that's it. The entire birth story plus a little extra. I cannot believe it took me this long to write. I usually have these typed up within an hour or so of being home.

Here are the rest of the photo's from Baileys birth, hospital stay and 1st couple days home. And the rest of the videos we had took.

http://s985.photobucket.com/albums/ae333/theresnoeggs/BaileyGrace/

Bailey was born at 7 lbs 6 oz 20.5 inches long, her apgars were 9/9 just like her big brother Thomas. When she was discharged she was 6 lbs 7 oz. Monday she was up to 6 lbs 10 oz. We cannot wait until Thursday to see how much she has gained!

39 weeks, appt and belly pic

Another week gone. Due date is Saturday/Monday, depending on what you want to go by. Yep, I found out my doctor had changed my due date to the 5th at some point. No clue when. It sucks when I was originally due on September 22nd. I am so over being pregnant right now. I hate saying this since I know very well after the 1st few days or week or so, I will definitely miss having Miss Bailey all to myself, the kicking, and the belly..but, for now, I am over pregnancy. I have done everything I could find on naturally inducing labor, except eating pineapple and acupuncture. And if I could do acupuncture at home, I would have done that as well.

Other than finding out my due date was changed again, my appointment was totally uneventful. I had another ultrasound 1st. Bailey is measuring 7 lbs 15 oz. To me, I thought that was strange since two weeks ago she was measuring 7 lbs 11 oz and I had *thought* babies were supposed to gain 1/2-1 lb per week in the last month. I am not complaining, the thought of pushing out an eight lb baby scares the bejesus out of me. We got a good face shot, unfortunately I can get a good photo of it and don't own a scanner. She looks just like me when I am miserable. Frowny face and all. Fluid is still borderline. Consistency is a good thing here. Heart rate was 128 BPM.

Then I went on for the appointment. Urine fine, BP was up but "normal" 128/72. No changes in my cervix, still 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, just like the last two weeks. Again, very soft. He said it feels a lot different than last week. I guess that is a good thing? I don't know. Bailey is just comfortable in there. I mentioned that her movement has decreased by at least 50% in the past week, which I had attributed to lack of space. So he scheduled me for a non-stress test on Friday morning. I was told to make sure I have a good breakfast first. Monday, my new due date, is my next appointment and another ultrasound to make sure she is still content in there. Sadly, I will not be seeing my OB that day. I will be seeing the on call OB, Dr. Farrentino.

Yep, my OB is on vacation as of today. If I deliver between now and October 11th, he will be delivering Miss. Bailey. If I make it to the 12th, which I hope I don't, I will get Dr. Sharpe. He is on vacation until then. The man only takes one vacation a year and this is just my luck...

I was very upset this entire pregnancy about the possibility of him not delivering me, was excited when I learned he would be, let down when told Bailey would be transferred, excited again when told how we would handle that, and now let down again since he is on vacation and Bailey has yet to make her appearance.

I am now okay with Farrentino delivering. He is one of my cousin's OB's and is known for having the birthing partner help deliver/"catch" the baby. My cousin actually was the one to hold onto his son's head and help guide him out as his fiance pushed. He was the 1st person to hold the baby, even before the OB. I think that is awesome. Tom is a bit apprehensive about the whole idea of "catching" Bailey, but is starting to come around.

I guess that's everything.. I have finally at 6:41 pm on September 30th, given up hope of having another September baby.

Lastly, here is my latest belly picture, hopefully my last, as 39 weeks was the last with both boys:

38 wk appointment, ultrasound, and belly picture

Made it to yet another appointment.

Ultrasound was fine, we didn't measure Bailey, but just checked the fluids. Still borderline low. Bailey is still head down as well. She looks very cramped in there.

Appointment was normal. Urine fine, BP 112/70, weight down 1 lb from last week. Total gain: 11 lbs. I am the same as last week. 1 cm dilate, 50% effaced. Today he added that my "cervix is very soft, and ready for labor to begin." He also added some really crappy news. If I make it past my next appointment he may not be delivering. He will be on vacation from Sept. 30th-Oct. 7th. I know who will deliver if I go into labor during that window of time, but 1. I do not want to make it that far along, and 2. I have said this entire pregnancy I really want Dr. Sharpe to deliver my 3rd child. We were told this same thing when pregnant with Collin. My OB was going on Vacation on Jan. 19th, was going to induce on the 18th, but I had him on the 17th.

So I guess we will see...I hate not knowing what is going to happen.

Here is my latest belly picture:

Amateur Maternity Photo's

Can't afford the real thing, so here is what my hubby and son did for me.

Is pregnancy sexy?

I read this blog faithfully every time there is a new post. Today's post was simply a link to something the author had written about a new commercial for "HOTmilk Lingerie."

http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/sexy-and-pregnant/823_1/

I know everyone has different feelings of their pregnant body. I personally do feel extremely attractive, even sexy while pregnant. When I am not sporting my big baby bump, I usually have very low self esteem and never think of myself as an attractive woman. Yet, while pregnant, I feel as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world. My husband, tells me he thinks I am beautiful all the time pregnant or not, but when I am pregnant, he just seems more attracted to me. It is like once I hit the 3rd trimester he can't stop staring and drooling, LOL. Which of course, helps boost my self esteem as well. I find the pregnant body to be absolutely stunning. Absolutely sexy.

Anyway, what are your thoughts? Now that all of us have big bellies, how are you feeling about your self? Do you think lingerie marketed for pregnant women is a good idea? Or do you find it kinda sick?

Just looking for others thoughts to make sure I am not just a complete freak.

Online Love & Support.

I swear I am so very fortunate to have an amazing support system online. The women on Justmommies have been amazing to me since I first joined January 20th of 2005, when I was newly pregnant with Thomas. Since then, I have gone through many life changes. Many ups, and even more downs. Without the women I have 'met' on this site, I would not have a place to go to vent my frustrations, brag about my boys, etc. I would not have a place to socialize, which any sane woman needs. As I called them before, I would not have the amazing support system I have. These girls are my crutch. They hold me up when I am down. They are always there for me, no matter how stupid I can be sometimes. And they will let me know when I am being ridiculous as well, without being vicious about it, like some of the people I know IRL.

Anyways, the reason behind this post is the 3 beautiful gifts I have received this week.

1st came, these beautiful outfits from Chrisa. All three are gorgeous, I love the little green outfit and cannot wait to put her in it soon! The middle outfit is 12 mos, and I just love the pants! I cannot wait until she can fit into this outfit. And the sleeper says, "I love Mommy" and "I love Daddy." Tom already decided Bailey will be sleeping in it the 1st night she comes home.

Next came a package from Shannon & the girls from the January 08 Playroom on Justmommies. I have been wanting to cloth diaper Bailey, I just love the look of cloth, plus the money we can save is just all the reason in the world behind wanting to use cloth. My problem is finding them in stores. I don't have a bank account or credit card, so buying online is almost impossible. Plus the start up costs are not an option right now with Tom being laid off, yet again.
Anyway, I was sent these adorable diapers. I especially love the black and lilac one.


And lastly, I received another package this morning. Unfortunately, it didn't say who it was from. I have no idea who it can be from at all. So if someone can fill me in so I can thank them properly I would appreciate it. I know it has to be someone from Justmommies, because no one I know IRL would have a package sent to me.
It was a gift basket and extra bottle of lotion from Burt's Bees. The two lotions, the shampoo/bodywash, and apricot oil all smell delicious! I cannot wait to use them on Bailey. There was also diaper cream, which I have always heard such positive comments about. And there was a cute little comb with the 'bee' on it. Plus the little basket is so cute!

Thank you girls for the beautiful gifts and always being there for me, in so many ways. Without you, I would lose my mind. You are all such amazing people and I just wish I could afford to do something kind in return. I hope my thanks and gratitude is enough for now.

37 , 1, and 50!

So had another OB appointment today with ultrasound. The ultrasound was fine. My fluid was borderline low again, but since it was an early appointment there is nothing to worry about since I throw up all morning and don't have any fluids in me. Bailey's heartbeat was 128, same area as always lately. She is also measuring bigger than both my boys were when born. 7 lbs 11 oz! Here's to hoping its way off if I go to 40 weeks. If I go until 40 weeks She should be 9-10 lbs.Yea. I don't really want that lol!

As for my appointment itself, I had my GBS swab done and am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Dr. Sharpe doesn't think I will follow in the boys pattern and deliver at 39.5-40 wks. I hope he is right. I definitely think the EPO I have been taking is working.

As for my delivery concerns. I will be delivering in Milford. If my delivery goes as perfect as it has in the past, I will be discharged when Bailey is transferred. If, heaven forbid, there are complications or I have a c-section, which we both highly doubt, I will be transferred with her to Yale. I couldn't be happier. I get to have my OB deliver, and will get to be with my daughter. No, I am still not happy or even content about her staying in the hospital, but I am now content about what will happen with me.

So now, here's to hoping I go into labor A.S.A.P!

And now, here is my 37 week photo.

Officially Full Term

Yep I am full term 37 weeks and 1 day today! I am so excited to make it to full term, considering the many many contractions I have had over the past 18 or so weeks <_< :lol:

Now, all I need to do is make it past Tuesday's appointment and I guess I am ready to go! At my last u/s she was measuring a couple ounces shy of 7 lbs, and that was two weeks ago. (yes I know it can be way off!)

In the past few days I have put together her bassinet, washed all of her clothes and folding and put away all the NB and 0-3 mo stuff. I still have to put her swing together but am waiting for the last minute due to the kitty. I packed my bag as well, but it was strange not packing her bag as well, since she won't be coming home with me. I have also cleaned my bedroom more than I have done since the day my parents moved and cleaned the living room and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom.

I would love to say the nesting phase has finally kicked in, but it hasn't this wasn't all done because of an intense urge like the boys, it was done because I am petrified of going into labor today at Thomas' birthday party, don't ask why, just a feeling I have had since the beginning of the pregnancy. Also, done because this place was disgusting and I had no choice but get it done.. I hadn't done a decent cleaning in months..

All that's left besides figuring out the delivery is calling my insurance company to find out the details of the breast pump. My plan is to call Monday morning.

I am still feeling cruddy. Having contractions every 20 minutes or so daily, then every 3rd or 4th day they get 10x worse and come every 3 minutes convincing myself I am in labor then going away.. Hemorrhoids just made a disgusting appearance. Today I have had really dull yet persistent cramping, starting in my back and radiating to my lower abdomen all the way down into my crotch.. My girly parts feel like I had really, really rough sex last night. Whenever I go from sitting to standing it feels as if Bailey is just going to fall out, thats how crazy the pressure is. I never felt that with the boys.

Worried and frightened.

Finally we have some answers about what will happen with Bailey after her birth.
I found out last week at my OB appointment that the pregnancy has gone so smoothly, despite all my discomfort and contractions, that my OB will be delivering at my usual hospital. Apparently that is really not good news at all. Who'd of thought? At my boy's check ups yesterday, I asked him what will happen after the birth. He was quick to tell me based on my dose and what my OB has said everything should go as if she was completely healthy, and just be monitored for a week or two, as I have already known. He then called the hospital to confirm and they no longer "deal with" methadone babies at all and will be transporting Bailey to Yale New Haven Hospital within the first 24 hours of her birth. Alone. Without her mommy. Regardless if she is born completely fine or is suffering severely, it doesn't matter, they will gladly be there for the birth, but that's it. Then they will just ship her off. I am heartbroken right now. I have been struggling with knowing I would have to leave her in the hospital, but now... Now I am a complete mess. How can I be there for her, bond with her, establish nursing her and building my supply, if she will be moved a half hour away in a different hospital and I will still be awaiting my discharge.

I am a mess. I feel as if I am already failing her. I feel like I have already lost that special connection you form with your children when they are first born. I had been doing very well with my depression until now. Even knowing she will be in the hospital longer than me, and with Tom being laid off yet again, I have been doing very well with coping with everything. Until now. Now I feel I am back at that dangerous low point again. I cannot be in that spot. Not right now. I need to be able to deal, for her. I need to be 100% for her. I cannot be struggling with myself and be there for her, and the boys. I just can't. I need to figure out how to deal....

Thomas' 1st Day of Preschool.

9/9/09 A day a will never forget. My oldest baby went to school. He goes Mon, Wed, and Fri 12-2:30, in the same preschool, in the same classroom, with the same teacher, I had 18 years ago.
Thomas was so excited this morning and asked to go to school starting at 7:30 this morning. Finally at 11 a.m. I let him get dressed. At 11:45 we were headed out the door.

At 11:55 we arrived at the church, his school is in. He looked both ways and crossed the parking lot and started walking super fast to the door, careful to turn and make sure I was still following behind him.

We stopped at the door to snap another photo,

and went to find room #2.

Finally Mrs. Bast and Mrs. Bell opened the classroom doors, had the boys and girls line up and the parents sign them in. Each student had to find an apple with their name on the apple tree posted on the door. Thomas' immediately grabbed the one that said "Thomas" and placed it in the basket he was told to put it in.

When 1st going into the classroom the kids were told to play. Thomas' immediately ran to the pretend kitchen to play, mommy's favorite spot 18 years ago. And to think, the same exact kitchen set is still there!

Then he went and played cars.

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted the play dough on the table. He was beyond thrilled, especially with all the toys that went with the play dough.

Mrs. Bast was right there to help him when he got stuck with the rolling pin and cookie cutters.

Then it was story time. Thomas sat on his mat patiently while everyone settled down.

After "The Mouse who went to school," the kids were called two at a time to the rest room to wash their hands and get ready for snack time. Thomas stayed on his mat until he was called, washed his hands, threw his paper towel in the trash and found his "snack mat"

All the kids were asked to wait for everyone to sit before eating with their hands folded. Thomas' kept trying to eat his crackers.

Thomas was one of the only two students who finished all his milk and both graham crackers.

After snack the kids went back to their mats and sang two interactive songs, which the parents participated in.

Then it was time for the "Weekly Reader," a two page flyer where the kids had to describe what was in the pictures. Then Thomas got his wish granted. All day long he had been asking if he was going to get homework. And he got two sheets of homework. He has to find the objects found in a class room and color a picture of a pencil. If he brings them back on Friday he will get two stickers. Then it was time to leave. Thomas ran to both teachers said thank you and told them he will see them Friday. On the way out I snapped one last photo of my school-boy.

I have never been more proud, happy, and sad at any point in my life. Still, I cannot believe how hard it was to see him in a classroom setting. I am just so amazed that for the last 4 years, I have been his sole care taker and from here on out, teachers will be there to help mold the person he will be as an adult. I love this boy so much and it hurts to see him move on to this stage in his life. I just have to face it. My baby is growing up.



Oh! And because Thomas' birthday was Sunday, he gets to celebrate on Monday in school! We have to bring in cupcakes for all the kids! I am so excited! Then September 21st he gets to go on his 1st field trip, Apple picking!

Man I love my boy.